I have been writing posts about my dad for a long time now. Birthdays, the anniversary of his death, random memories. I'm not sure there is much left to say after all these years that I haven't already shared here.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my dad so when I sit down to write these "milestone" blog posts, I am kinda stumped. Not that I have run out of things to talk about regarding my dad but because I never look at these days as especially heartbreaking because I spend everyday missing him. Not just on days like this sunday, which would have been his 86th birthday.
What came to me this morning as I sat down to write about his upcoming birthday was sharing a random list of things/moments/places that remind me of him. There are endless things and moments that I could list but here is a mere sampling...
Clocks and watches
70s country music
New electronic gadgets
Books on WWII (not that he read them but because he fought in the war)
Bananas and walnuts
Waffles and pancakes
I could go on and on, there are just so many little and big things that makes me think of my dad.
Sometimes, I move about my normal day and it will hit me, as if the idea is a new one that I had never thought of before. He's gone. I mean, not here anymore. I can't call him or ask him something or share stuff or listen to him or ask him to babysit or make a batch of pancakes. Wow. Gone.
I was walking behind an older man in the grocery store earlier this week and he wore the same type shirts my dad used to love (the ones where you don't tuck in), he had a watch worn the way my dad did (not faced up on the wrist but under the wrist so he had to turn his forearm slightly to see the face), he walked slightly slumped forward, his hair was grey, and his hands had the same dark blood spots that my dad had during the last year of his life. I almost wanted to follow him until I realized that was just creepy. (I had to actually tell myself that it wasn't my dad and to snap out of the weird trance I was in.)
So, while I will quietly celebrate my dad's birthday this weekend in my heart...the pain of missing my father is never allocated to only one day a year.
My dad's birthday in 2004:
And, his last birthday in 2005: