I have tried to grow houseplants for years. I could never do it. My mother would visit and take every plant to the sink for water and I still managed to kill every houseplant I brought into the house...so I eventually gave up. Now I keep my gardening prowess to the backyard vegetable garden where the plants have at least a fighting chance when it rains.
When I think of gardening and relationships the same is true: What you don't water, dies. Period.
I recently had a conversation with my mother about relationships and she indicated that as one of only a few aunts remaining, she thought family members would want to see her and talk to her more. I'm paraphrasing.
The conversation reminded me of those houseplants dying from lack of water.
Relationships of any variety take EFFORT. You have to WANT to call. WANT to see the person. WANT to keep in touch. WANT to stay connected, despite the miles or the past.
You have to want it AND work on it.
I asked my mom if she worked at keeping in touch with THEM? She said "No, not really." There you go. Relationships of ANY KIND are a two way street.
I know this is a "duh" revelation.
Just because someone is a friend or a grandparent or an aunt or a godparent or...whatever...doesn't automatically mean they need to remember the birthdays of your kids, the date your cat went to the vet, or your anniversary...especially when the other half of the relationship doesn't remember those things either.
Maybe it is like two wrongs don't make a right, blah blah blah. But, after awhile of being the one who keeps up the one half of a relationship...it all gets old quickly.
And tiresome.
The feeling that the other half doesn't really care (after all, they aren't calling, keeping in touch, trying to see the other person, sending cards at birthdays or trying very hard either) makes you just want to throw in the towel after awhile.
The houseplant dies from lack of water.
And just because someone is the only aunt left or the matriarch of a family or a grandparent or a sibling doesn't automatically make it right to drop your half of the relationship and then complain because THEY aren't doing what you think they should be doing. If you are irritated because someone you THINK should be doing MORE ask yourself what have you done, really done, for the other person? Are you present in their life? Do you send them cards on their birthday? Do you make a point to call or keep in touch? Are you genuine?
All relationships takes effort and love and mutual effort and love.
Yes, we all have past baggage. There have been wrongs! And disgust! And hurt feelings! And annoyances! And moments when one person didn't do exactly what we thought they should have done and we hold onto that forever and never giving up on the notion that everyone is human and no one is perfect. We make mistakes. We do things that maybe we shouldn't. We say things that maybe we shouldn't. But, if you are harboring all of that...and I'm sure you are, forever and ever...then you can't continue to think that the OTHER person should be doing more and remembering more about your life.
If YOU don't call or make an effort why should the other person after awhile? All types of relationships takes two people who are both present. Don't go pointing a finger when you are equally to blame for the demise in a relationship. You can't possibly feel wronged and upset when someone doesn't remember a birthday when you, too, have forgotten (or ignored) theirs.
We can do this type of dancing around the circle forever.
I get that we should be loving no matter what but it gets tiring to always be considered in the wrong for not doing what is "expected" when the other half of the relationship is equally to blame.
Sooner or later the houseplant dies because it needs water and no one is watering it.
If you don't show that you care don't be so surprised when I don't seem to care either.
When I think of gardening and relationships the same is true: What you don't water, dies. Period.
I recently had a conversation with my mother about relationships and she indicated that as one of only a few aunts remaining, she thought family members would want to see her and talk to her more. I'm paraphrasing.
The conversation reminded me of those houseplants dying from lack of water.
Relationships of any variety take EFFORT. You have to WANT to call. WANT to see the person. WANT to keep in touch. WANT to stay connected, despite the miles or the past.
You have to want it AND work on it.
I asked my mom if she worked at keeping in touch with THEM? She said "No, not really." There you go. Relationships of ANY KIND are a two way street.
I know this is a "duh" revelation.
Just because someone is a friend or a grandparent or an aunt or a godparent or...whatever...doesn't automatically mean they need to remember the birthdays of your kids, the date your cat went to the vet, or your anniversary...especially when the other half of the relationship doesn't remember those things either.
Maybe it is like two wrongs don't make a right, blah blah blah. But, after awhile of being the one who keeps up the one half of a relationship...it all gets old quickly.
And tiresome.
The feeling that the other half doesn't really care (after all, they aren't calling, keeping in touch, trying to see the other person, sending cards at birthdays or trying very hard either) makes you just want to throw in the towel after awhile.
The houseplant dies from lack of water.
And just because someone is the only aunt left or the matriarch of a family or a grandparent or a sibling doesn't automatically make it right to drop your half of the relationship and then complain because THEY aren't doing what you think they should be doing. If you are irritated because someone you THINK should be doing MORE ask yourself what have you done, really done, for the other person? Are you present in their life? Do you send them cards on their birthday? Do you make a point to call or keep in touch? Are you genuine?
All relationships takes effort and love and mutual effort and love.
Yes, we all have past baggage. There have been wrongs! And disgust! And hurt feelings! And annoyances! And moments when one person didn't do exactly what we thought they should have done and we hold onto that forever and never giving up on the notion that everyone is human and no one is perfect. We make mistakes. We do things that maybe we shouldn't. We say things that maybe we shouldn't. But, if you are harboring all of that...and I'm sure you are, forever and ever...then you can't continue to think that the OTHER person should be doing more and remembering more about your life.
If YOU don't call or make an effort why should the other person after awhile? All types of relationships takes two people who are both present. Don't go pointing a finger when you are equally to blame for the demise in a relationship. You can't possibly feel wronged and upset when someone doesn't remember a birthday when you, too, have forgotten (or ignored) theirs.
We can do this type of dancing around the circle forever.
I get that we should be loving no matter what but it gets tiring to always be considered in the wrong for not doing what is "expected" when the other half of the relationship is equally to blame.
Sooner or later the houseplant dies because it needs water and no one is watering it.
If you don't show that you care don't be so surprised when I don't seem to care either.
ooh, new look! I like it.
Posted by: Sheri | Saturday, January 12, 2013 at 08:47 AM