In high school I had to take a home economics class. I hated it. (I actually preferred typing.) And, unlike today where my son has options like culinary arts, zoology, and advertising art we were pretty much left with drafting, home economics, shorthand (gawd!), and horticulture. 1980s you bore me.
When I was forced to take home economics and we moved from cooking god-awful meals to sewing I knew before I really knew that I was screwed.
I do not like sewing. And, it doesn't like me. I don't get it. I can't read a pattern to save my life or the lives of my children. Every Halloween I fear the question, "Mom, can't you make my costume?" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...then you will hear me shrieking from the rooftops. I used to watch my mom read a pattern similar to how I now read recipes (where you just KNOW how it will turn out and in my case, taste) and wonder, "what does she see that I don't?" Then I would watch her lay out the pattern and cut away...it still blows my mind...especially when she could identify a future problem before she has even started sewing. What? The flimsy see-through paper holds that much magic? How?
I am in awe of those that can sew. My mom has been sewing I think before she was out of diapers. She used to sew everything, including all of her clothes and most of mine. She can look at something and know how to sew it. I can only shake my head in wonder and amazement.
What I love most about those that can sew is how easy and effortless they make it all sound. Which, I feel is directly aimed at me and how lame and inept I am in and around a sewing machine and all its moving parts! "Oh? This pantsuit? I just sewed it, like two hours ago." (Okay, maybe a bad example...who wears pantsuits anymore.) I have wanted an apron for years now...you know, those cute sewed ones with fun fabrics...and everyone (who CAN sew) will say, "Oh! That is such an easy pattern! Look, two stitches and boom! Done!"
Sigh.
Yeah, boom. Not done.
I just don't get it. Sleeves, for example. What the fuck? How?! And collars. Holy shit Batman, how you do that?
I was reading a blog a few days ago and she sewed Halloween costumes for her kids. Her son wanted to be a dolphin but she couldn't find a costume for one so she bought grey fabric and used a stuff toy as her guide. Are you fucking kidding me? See, only people who can actually sew makes it all sound so incredibly easy and no-brainerish.
And, I passed my home economics class back in 1983 because my mom sewed my projects at home and I turned them in and claimed them as my own creations. How the teacher never caught on to my mother's perfect stitches, I'll never know, and honestly I didn't care. I passed and I was done forever with sewing. In fact, I'm not sure I ever sat in front of a sewing machine again.
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