I don't make new year's resolutions. I find them to be simply a waste of time and entirely too cliche.
I do, however, find moments throughout the year when I like to set certain goals. January seems to be a natural time but so does the beginning of summer and the beginning of fall. If nothing else January seems the right time to stand up tall, dust off the crap from the previous year, and walk straight into a new year with new hope and new dreams and new ambitions...and leaving all the other stuff that weighed you down in the previous year on the ground with the streamers and empty champagne bottles.
I sat down on the first and in between reading, football, and taking down Christmas decorations I came up with a list that I would like to FOCUS on during 2012. It is more a list of things that become my mantra of sorts. Goals that I will keep close by when the lows hit and I need to refocus my efforts.
1. Make relationships matter. I am tired of the fake. I am tired of the one-way street in so many relationships. I am tired of being lied to. I am tired of being pushed to the side as if I don't matter. I am tired of being the only one who always extends the invitations. I am going to focus on the people that seem to obviously CARE about me and begin to shed the excess weight of the ones that don't. Life is too short to waste with people who are not genuine, who are not in your court, who are so selfish that it is painstakingly obvious, and who are too busy thinking of themselves and all their problems to even be courteous to me to see what is going on in my world. So, in this new year, a new focus on making relationships matter with the ones I care most about and who care about me and my family too.
2. Say No. This has been my mantra for awhile now. I don't feel guilty saying NO at all. I no longer wear that brick on my shoulder called Guilt and allowed to be guilted into saying yes for something I really want to say NO to. Saying NO is freeing and liberating and incredible and all you Yes-Men don't know what you are missing by agreeing to everything and everyone ALL.THE.TIME. Try it. My time is important to me and I choose wisely what I want to do with it. Time goes too fast to waste it on doing shit you really don't want to do.
3. Be Creative And Have Fun. This is why my list is not resolutions. I am always creative in one way or another, year after year. I don't need a resolution to be more creative. But, I want to FOCUS more on creativity this year because last year I spent the first half alone and couldn't pick up enough momentum when Larry returned...so, this year I want to hit the ground running and not only scrapbook with my friends but also HAVE FUN. Laugh and share stories and make EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT a routine that we can count on like we have in the past.
4. Read 52 books. Last year I read 44 and almost 14,000 pages. This year I am aiming for one book a week and I think I can manage that.
5. Spend less and live more. Sometimes I think we focus way too much on buying and shopping and SPENDING and not enough time just living and having fun and being simple. I always like to start the new year with more money in the bank, debt free, and conscious of what I am spending money on. Sometimes after the busy spend-spend-spend of December it is hard to rein in all back in come January but we like to reevaluate our budget and by February we are not looking so much at ALL THE CRAP WE CAN BUY but how much money we can be putting in our savings account...and therefore LIVE in the moment by relaxing on a Sunday afternoon, baking some yummy dessert, playing a game together, watching a movie with popcorn, reading a book, going out for a small treat, or taking a drive. I don't want a big, expensive life. I want a happy, simple life where my kids are content and we are filled with joy that only a simple existence can provide.
6. Time with my kids. Time flies way too fast and there are moments when I realize that pretty soon my oldest will be off to college or flying the coop and won't be around on a daily basis anymore and that is such an odd moment as a stay-at-home mom. My not working may have cut into our "bottom line" financially but I would not trade one minute the blessing it has been to stay at home with my kids and hopefully raise kids that are prepared to enter this big, bad world as honest, hard working, good human beings. I could have worked and at times it seemed to maybe make sense for me to do so, but it would have meant jeopardizing my kids and I did not want to do that for whatever amount of money I would have brought home (please, no comments about how you have to work. I am not even addressing the state of our economy and how many families MUST do what they need to do to survive...this was only intended to refer to my situation and not a vague statement about how I feel about working moms). I hope to take the time to really be present with my kids and not just feel tired and overwhelmed but to enjoy each of them for who they are right now.
7. Do something fun every month. When we first moved here we managed to see SO MUCH of this state! It was really a lot of fun! We did the same in Pennsylvania too...exploring as much as we could depending on the weather. Exploring new things is one of my most favorite things to do. Now that Larry is back I hope to just get out...maybe once a month...and see something new or do something different.
8. Health. Ah, this runs a fine line with resolutions, I realize, but I'm not running out joining a gym...all I am focusing on right now is losing 10%. A small, hopefully attainable goal that can do wonders for my health. After the 10% I will work on another chunk. I have been exercising again regularly for about six or eight weeks and now that the holidays and ALL that FOOD is behind me I am focusing on simpler meals and weeks where we eat no meat at all.
9. Work more. Last year I began a workable system that allowed me to focus my weeks on writing and being creative. I got a little off track when I flew to southern California for a couple of weeks and again at the beginning of summer when my husband announced his return. Since then, my work has been okay...November probably being the best month when I wrote a 60,000 word novel...but I want to step it up even further this year. Most people don't really get what I do and I struggle with the misconception that because I "write from home" I am lazy or don't really have a "job"...true in some way: I don't have a boss, I don't have to clock in my time, I don't get a weekly paycheck, and I don't have a boss there to tell me how I'm doing. I guess I can't change the perception of what other people think but I will say that I am working hard every single day on trying to make it as a published writer.
10. Focus on what I really care about. I will elaborate more on this but I want to focus on the issues that truly matter most to me...and there are a few. Hint: it has almost everything to do with FOOD but there isn't just one issue...more like three or four.
11. One Year To Make It Work. I will elaborate further on this too. I was inspired by something that Bob Newhart had said and when I heard it back in November, I immediately thought I would try it too at the beginning of 2012...so, here we go.
12. Chill. Breathe. Smile. Laugh. Cry. In another words, LIVE. I am not about fake and I am not about feeling blessed all the damn time. I don't always find joy in every waking moment but I do want to figure out a way to relax and smile and chill out more. I want to make each breath count because life is short and can end at any moment. I want to cry when I feel like crying and laugh when something is funny.
I am hoping for a productive, happy, fun 2012 filled with surprises and excitement and kids and a content family life. I am hoping for a good garden, more freezer/refrigerator space, and downtime spent reading plenty of books. I am hoping for BIG CHANGES and for a little luck. I am hoping for health and lots of onions in my garden. I am going to continue to drink more coffee than I should and perhaps let drama steer me into dark waters more times than I should allow but I also know that drama is just a part of life (and the ones who constantly say they don't "do" drama or that they don't "like" drama are usually the ones knee deep in it. Chill, people, about the drama! It is there. It happens). I am going to be thankful that for the first year we will not have expenses related to moving. I am hoping for even more time spent HAPPILY AT HOME, because I LOVE BEING HOME. I am hoping for an ease and patience as we enter into some uncharted waters. I am going to do the things that make me happy and say no to the rest. I am going to stop feeling insecure and fearful about my writing and just go for it.
I am going to be me. And hopefully me with a focus.
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