Encouraging Kids

I have always been a firm believer of supporting kids and encouraging their future beyond high school.

This subject is a hot one for me.  And, one that I am extremely passionate about.  We can discuss it until we are blue in the face but I am not really going to change my opinion on the importance and necessity of my kids going to college and making something of themselves.

Growing up, I can't really say I was encouraged at all.  By anyone.  And I hid my writing...still do to some extent...because there wasn't one person outside an English teacher in high school and my third grade teacher that really pushed me towards more writing because there was something there.

Unfortunately, for me anyway, that wasn't enough because at home it was a different story.  There wasn't anyone that seemed to care one way or another about my writing or whether or not it was a passion of mine.  Maybe they felt it was too much of a stretch of a goal.  That I didn't seem to have the necessary talent to succeed like many dream of fame and fortune as actors or singers.  The furthest my parents went was to buy me a couple of typewriters over the years but never once did they ask to read my work.  When I did produce work over the years it was never mentioned as if there was a secret pact among my family that they would not say how awful my writing was so they wouldn't hurt my feelings.

And for 45 years of my life I have been struggling to get past all that.

Then, enter college.  My dream was to go to Columbia.  I sent away for brochures and information.  However, my mother was insistent that there was no chance in hell that I was going to go all the way to New York City at the age of eighteen.  Now, to be fair, I did not have the grades for Columbia.  I had a decent GPA but not Columbia good.  I gave up the dream.  And I gave up trying after that and settled on a community college and fumbled around with one major after another until I finally decided to go back and get a degree, graduating ten years later.

And all of that is one of my biggest and only regret I have.

Now, do I push all that past baggage onto my children?  Maybe.  But you know what? I don't care.  Insisting they go to college and to make something of themselves is hardly a crime or an indication of bad parenting.

My son Josh wants to go to culinary school.  A traditional college is probably not in his cards.  He has looked around locally but unfortunately the big college in town, Boise State, doesn't offer a culinary program.  He has requested information from San Diego, New York, and the very popular and very expensive Culinary Institute of America in Napa Valley. (We plan to take a little tour this upcoming summer and hit the CIA and any others along our way towards San Diego.)

Now, that school is far from our budget with a four year program costing somewhere around $130,000.  However, that is not something I am using to discourage my son.  There are ways to pay for school.  Grants, scholarships, student loans.  I realize it is a stretch but it is his dream and I feel that by encouraging my kids I am filling them with hope and love and a way to fulfil their own dreams.

I want my kids to WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE.  Josh may not get into a school like the CIA, although his grades are quite good, and maybe he will decide on another culinary program somewhere else...and that is fine too...but I am not going to stand in his way of trying, even if it doesn't pan out, because no dream is too big to try and achieve.

I realize that there are other costs...dorms, apartments, a car, etc. and I am not trying to sound difficult nor thick headed...but millions of kids have been figuring it out for years...and we will too. 

I want my kids to believe in themselves and try hard and not settle and not just do what is easy and not take the fast approach through life.  The world is wide open to them...they don't have to worry about things like spouses, kids, and mortgages.  GO! Be free and fulfil your dream and do something you LOVE TO DO!

Maybe I am living in a fantasy world where the harsh realities of expensive tuition, lack of jobs, a sagging economy, unemployment, car prices, etc. don't exist.  I know about all those things.  I may be thick headed but I am not stupid.  I realize the realities of life today.  I know that I am not going to be able to drive my son to school and work everyday.  I know that community college may be best for some kids and I would never put that down...hell, I danced with the community college for years.  But, I want my kids to look beyond that.  I want them to not be halted by FEAR.  The fear of paying for college.  The fear of following your dreams.  The fear that you have to hurry and grow up and get a car and a house and a wife/husband.

Because fear is the killer of dreams.  For this I know first hand.

I want my kids to go and fly their own path in life.  If that means they all end up in different places and not in this small town next to me for all their lives, then so be it.  I am fine with that.  Explore.  Learn.  Live.  Go.  I am not afraid of letting go and letting them out into the real world where their life awaits.  I will be sad, of course, I love my kids and I will miss them if they do in fact decide to go elsewhere to college (honestly, I hope they do.  Not sure Idaho is the place to find the very best of education.  And, BSU, while it is fun and I love the energy related to the school, does not have a very broad base for study) but in the end I want them to do whatever it is they love to do and never to look back because they may be afraid of leaving me or that it costs too much.

Of course, I also want to note here that I am also realistic.  To attend a college that will cost four times more than you expect to make in a year is not very wise.  I would hope my kids wouldn't go to Harvard and then decide to make a career at McDonald's (while I'm sure many fine jobs exist in McDonald's).  But, the culinary arts program is vast and wide open and he will have many options.

I love this quote I heard on a television show recently when discussing kids and colleges and following their dreams:

"It is better to sit and learn than stand and work."

So, maybe I am jaded because of my own past history (but who isn't influenced by their own lives when they parent?), maybe I am overly optimistic when it comes to my children, maybe I am overly enthusiastic about college and the prospect of my kids following their dreams...but I will continue to be their cheerleader.  I will continue to figure out a way to make any dream possible.  I will not stand in their way or shadow them with a black, doom-and-gloom cloud...reality is one thing but shattering a kids dream is painful and harsh and cruel. 

I will continue to encourage all three of my kids to find a path for their own life and to never, ever give up hope.

You never know where that love, encouragement, and hope will land in their own lives.  I want them to never have the experiences I have had with trying to follow my own dreams and feeling discouraged with silence, fear, and guilt.

Comments

[Sarah]

BRAVO!! I absolutely agree with you. I am going to MAKE my kids leave Boise for college. I stayed in Boise and went to BSU for the love of a boy and I regret it to this day.
Also..I agree that encouragement is the only way to go. They will figure out life's lessons that way!
Go Natalie!