That is my mood.
Ho Freakin' Hum.
So, I thought I would write about it. I should be working on updating my resume (because mine is terribly outdated and I am ashamed and there are "jobs" that I am kinda interested in exploring and, hello, I gotta have a resume) and researching because that is what I have slated every Monday to do. But, what am I doing?
Well, besides updating my blog, which should have been done on Friday (shut up) but on Friday I was in a terrible funk. Today is an improvement with the feeling of Ho Hum.
Here is the emotional line, as I see it:
What Is There To Live For? = Funk = What Is The Point? = I Think I Can Laugh Again Besides The Fake "LOL" = Okay, The Sun Is Up, That's A Start = Oh, Wait: Ho Hum = Why Isn't The Coffee Working? = Is That A Light At The End Of The Tunnel? = Skipping Among The Flowers And Dancing On Rainbows.
I guess I am doing some research like finding information about obtaining a second bachelor degree in history. Or, an MFA in creative writing. And, researching lavender. And, Gettysburg. Oh, and in between all that "research" I am getting up and down to refill my coffee cup.
Productive. Yeah, baby.
But, I am afraid I have digressed.
You ever wake up and think? Oh Goody, It All Starts Over Again Today. Sometimes life feels like Groundhog Day (the movie, not the cold day in February...although February is rather cold and dreary and that sorta sucks too in its own way. But, again, digression). Drive kids to school. Make dinner. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Clean house. Work in yard. Make lunches. Deal with children. Put out fights among children. Take care of dog...
Yawn.
I feel rather bored and restless and I need to do something. I just don't know what exactly. Maybe it is the time of year? The change of seasons? I normally love fall and back to school but this year I have been struggling with it...I am seriously missing summertime already. In fact, I refuse to put away the pool bag and the towels because then I will be forced to bring out the (damn) scarves and gloves in its place!
Maybe it is the changes going on in my children? Each of them growing their own wings seemingly overnight and my role as mother is changing fast...it makes me both excited to watch them grow and sad to the core of my being.
My birthday always brings out the worst emotions in me for reasons I can't really go into here but I will say: it is the one day that it would be nice to feel special. Feel like my day is important and that I am surrounded by love. Sigh.
Maybe it is because we are still trying to get things back to a normal state when we all lived under the same roof...this same roof. It has been three years. And, there are some adjustments we are still trying to work through.
I'm sad that my garden is slowly shutting down (even though I have planted some stuff for winter to see how that all works in these parts).
I'm sad that some things and relationships are forced into change. Not forced with hands behind your back but forced by the way the cards happen to fall. I had hoped things would be different but when an event unfolds sometimes the truth is just about slapping you across the face. That is the time that you have to wipe the tears and face reality.
I'm frustrated that even though I take thyroid medicine, I don't really feel all that great still.
I hate bad hair days. And, hot flashes which I'm pretty sure I had one last night because the fan was on high, two of the three windows were wide open, and the temps couldn't be anymore than about 55 and yet I woke up drenched behind my neck. What. The. Fuck?
Why is my garage door suddenly opening so damn slowly? Like it was taking a nap and dammit it must wake up and open the doors for me. Sorry to bother you, Mr. Garage Door, but stop being a slow, lazy pain in my ass.
Yesterday I think I lost it when Larry used a spoon to scoop out cookie dough from the bowl of my mixer. I do not want anything metal to scratch my bowl. Is that too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable? (Rhetorical people, shut it.) After a tantrum...What? Who? Me?...Larry patiently showed me the bowl with no scratches. Catastrophe averted.
Coffee doesn't seem to be doing the trick anymore. How much coffee does one need to consume to feel its glorious effects once again? Thirty?
How many more days until it is summer again?
Wake me up after the new year.
Let's see if it will let me leave a comment today.
I can relate to everything you have said here... well, except for the slow garage door... I think you need to take a dose of patience where that is concerned. Geesh!
Yeah- I get it... oh how I get it and I am getting tired of waiting for that damn rainbow! Where the "%uC&" is it!
I wanna know where to hop the everything is spitz and giggles train! Let's go!
Posted by: C: | Tuesday, October 04, 2011 at 07:53 AM