Rough Draft

Tales From The Crosswalk, Part One

 

During my stint as Crossing Guard Extraordinaire I have made happy small talk with the few parents or grandparents that I would see almost everyday.

One father stands out.

Early in the school year I noticed him wearing a Padre's t-shirt so I make a comment about San Diego and he tells me he is from Temecula (for those that aren't familiar with the inner makings of southern California that is a town about 40 miles north east of Oceanside, my old stomping grounds).

Several times a week he would make quick passing comments...weather, the Padre's, San Diego, blah, blah, blah.

Over the course of a few months he began to annoy me.  (I know, first the pool guy and now this guy.  It isn't me, I swear!)  His comments were borderline inappropriate and definitely stupid.  If I had to guess he is probably in his early thirties when young men still want to hang onto that youth as it slowly slips towards mid-thirtyhood.  Baggy pants, jeans that drag the ground, hat on backwards, the I-Think-I'm-Cool swagger, the I-Think-I-Am-Being-Witty shit coming out of his mouth.  A guy who wears t-shirts that says in HUGE letters: "Make Love Not Babies".  Now, while true and funny, he parades this on the grounds of an elementary school?  Jesus H.

He has also held his fingers like a gun and pretends to shoot his toddler daughter as they walk onto the playground.  Really? And that is funny?  Again, thirtysomething in real age but emotionally he is stuck in high school acting like a dick.  And this is only one seemingly stupid and inappropriate stuff this guy does/says.  And he has an annoying habit of walking so fast that I can't possibly respond to him quick enough.

On the last day of school I was talking to a woman in her car parked across the street.  As she was talking this guy walks toward me standing on the sidewalk and begins to repeat everything I say..."Yeah", "Uh-huh", "Oh, really?", "It is!" Basically all my responses to whatever this woman was saying.  Are you fucking kidding me, jackass? How old are you? I just shot him an annoying/irritated/shut-the-fuck-up look that I'm sure he MUST see often by, if no other, his (poor) wife.

As he was heading out with his kids in tow and I was in the middle of crossing the kids he notices my Pennsylvania plates, which expired at the end of May, and comments how I need to get rid of those and get Idaho plates and that I am now breaking the law!!  And in his typical fashion he walks away too quickly for me to come back that I already have renewed my registration and there is a sticker in my window to prove it.  I think I might have uttered, Asshole, as he walked toward his car.

I can only be thankful at the moment for two things: 1) I don't have to see his sorry ass for three months; 2) He doesn't live in my subdivision so I won't see him at the pool all summer either.

Day In The Life

 

Before school let out I wanted to document a more-or-less typical day in my life during the school year.  I plan to do the same thing one day during summer vacation (you're thrilled, right?)

So, here is the day in my life on Monday, June 6th, told in photos and seen through all the dust, clutter, and messes of my life...in another words, I didn't pre-clean anything prior to beginning...

 The alarm goes off at 6am but you can see I clearly don't listen to my alarm.

 Into the shower I go...

 All the normal morning routine.  The pencil is there because I think of blog posts, book ideas, or things to tell the kids while I'm in the shower and I need a place to put all those ideas down on paper!

 Down and around the hall to wake Harrison up...

 WAKE UP HARRISON! :)

 And to wake up my darling daughter...you will notice that I did not straighten, dust, or clean anything prior to this project of mine.  This is the real life, folks.  No pretty photo placement.  Hey, don't judge!

 I now head down the stairs...

 Because it is the end of the year I have gotten lazy with lunches and did not make them at night like I normally do.  Also, the chips, which I never, ever buy but I had bought this bag for Memorial Day.

 Time check: 7:05, time to take Josh to high school...

 The drive to the high school a mile a way.

 The embarrassed (that I was taking pictures) firstborn as I drive him up to the school.

 School with a beautiful sky backdrop...

 Bye bye fifteen-year old.

 The time as I head back home.

 Driving into my subdivision...

 And back home greeted by the doggie who wants to eat...

 Opening windows and blinds. (The exciting life I do lead...)

 Turn on my computer. (Love the dust and coffee cup ring on my desk. Nice.)

 Put dishes away.

 Open windows in the nook.

 Do the morning dishes.

 Getting Harrison out the door for school.

 Waiting for his ride to school.

 Make coffee.  Hurry!

 Clean island.  (I also straighten around the house at this point too.)

 Throw in a load of laundry.

 Sweep kitchen and nook.

 Time check.  Both boys are at school already and now I have a few more minutes to get ready before taking Jennifer to school and doing my crossing guard job.

 Today I need to work on an embroidery project for Jennifer's teacher...so I pull some fabric out of my drawer. (Check out my Creative Juices blog for the finished project!)

 Clean the guest bedroom bathroom.

 Time to get dressed, do hair, put make-up on before leaving for the elementary school.

 Lay out ingredients for dinner tonight.

 Putting on my crossing guard garb.

 Time check: 8:25am. The time we leave to head to the elementary school to drop Jennifer off at fourth grade and for me to do my morning crossing guard job.

 I'm standing at my post to do my crossing guard job.

 The arrow marks the spot.  I stand in this area from 8:30 until 9:05.

 Jennifer sits in the car and waits for the time to head into the playground.

 Time check: 9:10am. I am back home.

 My breakfast...

 Time to work. I start, usually, with updating a blog or two.

 I will spend the next three or so hours in the office, writing, and filling up my coffee.

 Around lunchtime I head out to the garden to pull a few weeds and check the status of the plants. 

 Watering my garden...

 I picked some fresh lettuce leaves for my lunch today.

 I think this says it all.

 Time check: 12:50pm. My writing work is over and as I prepare lunch I try and enjoy the last few minutes before I have to head back out and begin picking everyone up. Sigh.

 My lunch: fresh lettuce from the garden, mushrooms, hard-boiled eggs, and a little grated cheese.

 As I eat my lunch I search around online, make notes, straighten desk, organize, google things that I need to research for my writing and other projects, check Facebook, read a few blogs...

 I try and sit for a few minutes.  You can't really see the clock in the background but it is around 2pm.  I have about thirty minutes to put my feet up and read a little bit before I have to go again.

 Time check: 2:30ish and it is back to the high school...

 I leave a few minutes early (the bell rings at 3pm) because a) I want the good parking spot so I am in prime position to head right out the parking lot; b) the school parking lot is a friggin zoo! c) it allows me thirty minutes to just sit in a quiet car and read...

 Normally I sit and read but today I brought embroidery because I need to get this teacher gift finished!

 I drop Josh off at home (Harrison walks home from the middle school) and I head to the elementary school...I park on the side street right near my crosswalk...I also get here early, around 3:10, so I can get THIS parking spot (look for a post about my parking spot debacle in the days to come).  I began "work" at 3:30 only because one little girl crosses at that time; but my real work begins when the bell rings at 3:45 and for about 10-15 minutes I cross kids until 4pm.  But, until 3:45 I have quiet time to read...

 I put out the cone and wait for the bell and all the happy little children...

 After school we head to the library...

 After the library we make a trip to Wal-Mart...

 I am cooking ground beef to prep TOMORROW's dinner for Jennifer's birthday request.  I figure I am cooking on the stove and I could get this task done so the dinner will be ready first thing tomorrow morning to go into the crockpot.

 Our turkey enchillada casserole cooks away in the oven.

 And it is back to doing dishes again...

 And back to putting more dishes away and taking out the trash.

 I now plan to sit, finish the embroidery project, and watch a little Master Chef on TV.

 Time check: 7:10pm.

 I listen to Jennifer play her recorder and count the minutes until it is her birthday tomorrow.  Here she is on her last day of being nine.

 I quiz Harrison on science facts for his final tomorrow...(he ended up getting an "A" on the final!)

 And I check in on Josh who is building bird houses in the garage (sigh).

 I plan to sit for a few minutes and read my book...

 ...And I let the dog out about a million times as she hears kids, motorbikes, squirrels, gophers, birds, leaves falling, grass growing, wind blowing, flies buzzing outside...painintheassdog!

 Head up to bed, finally...brush teeth, wash face, put PJs on...while the dog makes herself comfortable on my comforter.

 I blow up balloons for Jennifer's bedroom since tomorrow is her birthday and this is one of our family traditions.  On the orange ones (Larry's favorite color) I write messages about how much daddy loves you...

 I check the kids, turn off TVs, bedroom lights, lock doors, close blinds and windows, and shut the hall light out...time for bed!

 And I turn on my alarm again and call it a day. I am usually up in bed by about 10:30pm.  Some nights I sit in bed and read, or I watch Leno, or I crash....

So, there you have the day in the life of me.  Thrilling, yes? I lead one hell of an exciting life, I know...

Love/Hate The Pool Guy

Our subdivision has two pools.  They are lovely.  However, we have had many problems with the pools over the years.  Teenagers vandalizing, broken furniture, soap thrown into the water, broken locks, and so on.  Sometime a few years ago our association decided to hire "guards" for the pools to make sure no one was eating in the pool area, causing trouble, or vandalizing anything.

At first the guards were like air marshals, you never knew who they were or when they were sitting right next to you.  A year later they had a little desk and sign by the gate and made their presence known.

I never had a problem with the guard because my kids were not ones to get into trouble and I never brought food hiding in the pool bag, or tried to dump a box of Tide into the kiddie pool.  But, the guard would be there to ward off those several well-known troublemakers in and around our subdivision especially since you don't need a parent to be present if you are over the age of thirteen and it always seemed the parents were NEVER with these troublemaking kids.

Last week was the first time back at the pool.  Right in the middle of the area surrounding the pool sat a guy.  At first I didn't think he was anything other than a parent sitting there until he told my daughter to "stop running".  I was instantly irritated.  Should he REALLY be stopping young children from running? Is that REALLY part of the list of rules he should be focusing on? Besides, I am a firm believer that if a parent is present THEY should be the one doling out that kind of warning.

I was really torn as I sat there because I know he is there to keep the pool safe and protected from those kids/teens/adults who just want to push the limits and do as they please with no consequences.  But, running?

I don't know.  I think his job should be to make sure everyone is showering before entering the pool, not eating, not diving, making sure kids aren't dumping soap in the pool, and keeping those troublemaking boys at bay.  (In another words, leave my child and her running to me to handle, thanks.)

Maybe it was the pool guy himself.  He looked like he knew he was some cat's meow (he wasn't).  He sat there as if he was the cock of the walk.  Sunglasses, shirt off, early twenties, arrogant.  He went head to head with a young guy and his girlfriend as they played around near the water.  At one point when the pool guy took off his sunglasses and stood up I thought the two young guys were going to fight.  Apparently I wasn't the only one annoyed by this power-hungry-full-of-himself pool guy.

I think my kids ended up getting in "trouble" with this guy maybe three or four times.  Stop running.  Don't jump into the pool. Stay out of the rocks.  Oh holy hell.

I'm all for rules (and I do follow them, really, I'm a total rule follower) and I do really like the fact that someone is watching and keeping our pool area safe and free from hoodlums but this arrogant-short-man-syndrome pool guy may be just a little too big brother for me. 

Butter, I Love You

My normal breakfast usually consists of some sort of fruit (berries, bananas, apricots), either yogurt, cottage cheese, or an egg or two, and bread.  Since I make french bread every week I would slice myself two and enjoy it immensely.  I tried to limit the bread a few days a week but I found that I was annoyingly hungry too soon after breakfast.

I decided the french bread routine must change if I plan to drop some weight so I found this bread at Costco that I absolutely LOVE.  It is called Dave's Killer Bread and it is about 120 calories, tons of grams of fiber, no cholesterol, very little fat, and all organic ingredients.  It is very dark and full of seeds and nuts and other good stuff.  It is delicious.  Not cheap, but delicious.  (I also keep it in the freezer and pull out two slices every morning and up until this morning...damn summer break...no one spotted it.  Now Harrison wants a piece and I pulled out a tried-and-true toddler trick and used diversion.)

 
Today I realized something.  This love I feel as I eat the bread in contented bliss has nothing to do with the bread.  Both the french bread and this killer bread are delicious.  It has to do with the butter.

I love the butter.

(I am also realizing that this is the second post I have done that features butter as a topic.  There is something kinda sick about that.  Duly noted.  Let's move on.)

The melted butter on the bread gets all drippy and is sooooo yummy.  Oh. My. God.  I could bathe in vats of butter and be whistlin' dixie with birds chirping and rainbows appearing overhead.

The Cost Of (Fake) Friendship

 

I have this "friend" who really isn't a friend-friend but more a very good acquaintance and maybe someone who at one time was on the road to frienddom but has since severely went off the paved road and landed in a ditch.

I can't give much details about this person without giving her identity away and I don't want to do that because I'm not sure if she reads this blog or not and I don't need more problems, honestly.

Let's just say she is someone who is in my daily, more or less, world.  I met this person, let's call her Dani, about four years ago.  She was bubbly and nice.

However, not really nice-nice.  On the surface nice.  I honestly don't think that people would tell the truth if I asked if they thought she was nice...I picture these people looking over their shoulders and fear going to bed at night because a horse's head might be inside their bed.  I think her unkind nastiness about almost everyone is transparent despite the bling and baubles she uses as a cover up. 

What I came to realize is she is extremely bossy (okay, I can see the connection there.  I'm a wee bit bossy at times too), downright mean, extremely judgemental, and very, very gossipy.  To the point that you KNOW without a shadow of any doubt that if she gossips about EVERYONE she is surely gossiping about ME too.

Way back when she sold a variety of home party stuff (you know, Tupperware, candles, stamps, jewelry, jeans, scrapbooking, Amway).  And I actively bought from her and attended a party or two. 

Unfortunately, we had another connection.  Another group of sorts that we both belonged to and she pushed and prodded and made a nuisance of herself forcing her own views on everyone else.  Exhausting.  Too many words, hurt feelings, annoyances later we sort of quietly went our own way.  And it all couldn't have ended at a more perfect time: I was moving back east.

And since I wasn't buying anything from her anymore, we no longer kept any level of friendship pretences whatsoever.

But now I'm back.  And our paths cross almost daily.  Sigh.

And because I haven't, hmmm, how shall I say this, stepped up and helped her out (I can't go any further in detail than that) I am resolved to the back of the class status.  I'm sure if I began buying shit from her again I would probably move up a few seats, and I would also be looking over my shoulder at when the next attack would come.

But, alas, that is not the case and as our paths cross more often than I care to, I can't help but notice the obvious shun.  Don't get me wrong, she is not my kind of friend.  A friendship based on gossip, how much I spend on shit she is pawning, or how often I help HER is really not the basis of any kind of friendship I care to partake in.

A few days ago I was privy to yet more gossip because of the way our paths cross I was left standing with her for a few minutes...and this gossip was almost the nail on the coffin of any sense of "friendship". Follow me here:  I make small talk about her kid and high school.  Dani comments about high school football and I nod remembering a time that her son and my son went to a football game together.  Then she brings up another boy.  A boy that I know VERY WELL.  A boy from a family we have known since we moved to Idaho.  A boy and family that are quite special to me.  And, the boys mother is also considered a " good friend" of Dani.  A friend who has stepped up and helped Dani out many times in many different ways.  And there is Dani telling me ALL about the awfulness of this other boy.  Wow.  I was taken aback because my kid and this boy are friends.  I felt I was an odd choice for her to share this bit of gossip with.  I know she feels jealous that my son and this other boy are so close and I'm sure she would rather the connection be with her own son and the other boy...and maybe her telling me all this was for me to pull my own son out of the equation.  Believe me, Dani ALWAYS has an agenda.  And because I KNOW her all too well, it wouldn't surprise me if she twisted the story around completely and told a made-up version to the boys mother. 

All this and more is the modus operandi of Dani.  Gossipy.  Agendas.  Meanness.  Shuns.  Looks down upon.  Judgemental.  All the things in my book that doesn't equal a good friend.  I'm the first to admit that we all have moments where we are not in the best light.  We say things we don't mean.  We act judgemental or mean and feel badly afterwards.  We unintentionally hurt other people.  But the line is drawn when you don't feel good in a certain relationship.  When being around that person makes you feel dirty and bad...then it is time to say goodbye. 

As the winds change, so has our daily contact which is now and will be in the future more limited and for that I am grateful.  If all I ever was to Dani was a couple of ears and dollar signs over my head, then I can hardly call you a true friend. 

Common Sense

Common sense is a hard thing to teach...it is just something that you hopefully have somewhere within you and if not, then hopefully you will gain common sense as you mature.

I consider it sheer luck and immense good fortune that I have at least one kid who seems to have always displayed a decent amount of common sense.  I'm not sure how Harrison gained this insightful gene (Larry would say "his side of the family" which is an inside joke between him and I) but he cracks me up every time I catch glimpses.

Here is an example of a very young little boy...maybe four or five years old.  It was Easter and the boys were hunting eggs at my parents house.  Josh found a couple of eggs and opened them and began to meltdown because the eggs were not filled with candy but instead filled with money...which then caused Josh to stop hunting eggs and burst into tears. 

Sigh.

Harrison steps up to Josh and says, "Josh, you can take the money and BUY candy."

Duh.  As if Harrison couldn't believe that his older brother hadn't THOUGHT of that himself! Must he think of everything?! I remember shaking my head when I heard him say that and thought, wow, this kid just gets it.

He hasn't changed.  There have been dozens and dozens of those kinds of simple, clear, common sense moments that makes me feel relieved more than anything.  I certainly didn't teach Harrison when he was a toddler to THINK like that...that kind of stuff just comes from him without me being able to take any credit whatsoever.

Yesterday he was invited to a friends house.  I had taken the call and told the friend that it was okay for Harrison to come over.  When the friend called back again, and Harrison was now home, he informed me that he really didn't want to go to the friends house...which he told his friend.  A few minutes later I got a text on my phone (for Harrison) saying that the friend got a couple of movies and that if Harrison didn't come (even after "your mom said you would"...oops, my bad) they would have wasted two dollars on rentals.

Harrison read the text, rolled his eyes, and said, "I don't know what the big deal is.  They aren't wasting two dollars...all they have to do is just watch the movies themselves!!"

Can I (embarrassingly) admit that I hadn't thought of that? I was thinking, crap, I was the one that told the friend Harrison would come over and now they went out and rented movies, and while I two dollars didn't seem like THAT big of a deal, I still felt bad they were going to be out any amount of money because of me.

A lot of people don't get to see this side of Harrison.  A lot of times his nervousness and shyness comes across as crazy and stubborn (he is that too) and very, very silly.  If he doesn't feel comfortable doing something or if he is in the middle of a certain situation he will revert to complete and utter silliness to get him through.  But when he isn't pushed against the wall, or being the focus of unwanted attention, he is really a thoughtful, serious, kind, sweet boy.  He totally goes with the flow better than anyone else in this family and he has always been a kid who can simply entertain himself.  He says "I love you" many, many, many times a day and hugs me every morning before he goes to school.  He is patient with his little sister and is a good student and a good kid.  (Don't get me wrong here.  He isn't perfect: it takes him thirty tries to get the bathroom cleaned...which is one of his chores...and his bedroom is a disgusting pigsty. And when he pulls out that stubborn streak: watch out.  That kid won't budge to save his life.)

 But at the end of the day I am incredibly proud that my 13-year old is exhibiting a decent common sense quality that will carry him far in life.  Whew.

The Only Child...

...or, the spoiled-gets-whatever-he-or-she-wants kid.

This is NOT going to be a post bashing only children.  For one, I was ALMOST raised as an only child since my brothers are quite a bit older than me.  2.  One of my dearest friends growing up was an only child.  3.  At times I'm jealous of the parents of only children.

However, because I do not have only one child I cannot bounce balls on my head whenever Little Suzie asks me to.  I cannot drop everything to shuttle Little Suzie from here to there and back again with some yummy ice cream (because I'm a cool, do anything for my kid, mom) on the way back from God Knows Where.  (Kids will be OKAY if they are occasionally, gasp, "bored".  They will find creative ways to entertain themselves and if not it is also OKAY to sit and chill.  They will not be damaged and claim rotten childhoods because they were bored from time to time.)

Over the weekend Jennifer played with a little girl who is more or less an only child.  In a perfect world the child would come here to play because that would mean I didn't have to drive anywhere but the weather was good and they rode their bikes and wanted to play at Little Suzie's house.  Fine.  A couple of hours later I got a phone call asking if I could take them to the pool.

My answer was NO.

No! Oh My God, NO!  I'm sorry but I do not have the time to DROP EVERYTHING because Little Miss Only Child wants to now go to the damn pool.  Playing wasn't ENOUGH, swimming is now required.  Are there parents out there that really drop everything to do whatever the child wants to do? Must we, as parents, ALWAYS fill our children with constant shit to do?

Here's the thing.  The ugly truth.  I am by myself.  At the end of the day I don't have my husband here to relieve me.  Everything from homework, errands, cooking, cleaning, yard work, car maintenance and anything else that pops up, is on my shoulder, ALL THE TIME.  I don't even have "weekends off" in divorce situations.  I am on 24/7.  ON, ON.  I don't have downtime.  Okay, yeah, sure I have a few hours in the day while they are school but I try and spend that time writing. 

Over the weekend I made a list, albeit a small one, of things that I'd like to get done over the two days...laundry, changing sheets, yard work, birthday party prep...and while I'd like to say we have Family Fun every weekend because, by golly I am such a good and cool mom, that isn't the case.  If I ran around doing all kinds of Super Fun Stuff and then errands on top of that (because the food doesn't magically appear in my refrigerator) and then dropped everything to have More Family Fun when Little Suzie wants me to take them swimming in the middle of my day...I would get even less done than I do now.  This is where I like to refer to my best friend: Ms. Balance.  We have fun, just not every minute or every weekend.  And also because I'd like to teach my kids that life ISN'T ALWAYS about the Fun or the Going Somewhere or the Buying Something. 

...Sometimes life is about boring things like shopping for dog food, pulling weeds, and washing sheets.  And isn't that more realistic than juggling five hundred balls in the air just to keep Little Suzie and her brother Big Billy entertained and not bored?

A Decade Ago

Ten years ago today I went into labor with my baby girl. 

The weather in San Diego was warm.  We made it through the new millennium.  We were mere months away from the horrors of 9-11.  Out of my three pregnancies this was the only one that I made into the 9th month (in fact, her due date was the tenth!).  I was DONE with pregnancy...tired, hot, emotional, sick.  I was carrying so low I believe she was one kick away from hitting my kneecaps.  I was swollen.  It was the beginning of summer and Josh was just out of kindergarten and Harrison was a mere toddler.  Exhaustion hit from all angles.

I had heard that if you drink raspberry tea you can induce labor.

I went to Trader Joe's and got me some raspberry tea and brewed a cup.  I remember walking around outside and watching our new neighbors move in across the street and that the new neighbor was also very pregnant (she had her daughter about a month after Jennifer was born).

I sipped more raspberry tea.  Come on...

My water broke around dinnertime.  We fed the boys and called my parents.  I did my nails and took a shower.  And I sent Larry to the store to pick up easy food items since my dad was going to be the one in charge of the boys while I was delivering Jennifer...both Larry and my mom were in the delivery room.

I remember walking down the hall heading toward the maternity ward and having a total Flight or Fight feeling.  I didn't want to go through with labor again and wanted to turn back around and go home.

We checked in.  Got a room.  Was examined.  Watched Leno.  Asked for an epidural.  Pissed that it took them so damn long.  Watched Conan.  Got the epidural. Immediately felt desire to push.  Bummed that I didn't even get to really enjoy my epidural.  Pushed.  Pain.  Pushed.  More pain. Baby.

And somewhere around 3am on June 7 my baby girl was born.  She nursed from the beginning and I didn't want to let her go.  But I was hungry and wanted something to eat.  Thankfully, the nurse was able to bring me a turkey sandwich at 4am.

I can't believe my baby is ten already.  (What parent doesn't say that a million times in their children's lives?!) Double digits.  She has been counting down the days since January.

My baby!

At times I just want to freeze time.  (I'm sure parents say THAT three million times in their children's lives too!)  I want her to stay a little girl for a little bit longer.  At times she spends hours and hours carrying a baby around and then at dinner asks if she can shave her legs.  Sigh.  Life.  It just keeps moving forward with or without my consent.  I know change is inevitable. 

Jennifer is really a great little girl.  She is sweet and such a good friend.  She is delightful and energetic and smart and goes with the flow.  She loves, loves, LOVES animals so much she was near tears when I was smoke-blasting the gophers in our yard.  She plays with dolls and Barbie's.  She plays her recorder even though her performance is long over.  She loves to do crafts and read (right now she is starting Harry Potter).  She wants to do a cartwheel but she kinda can't.  She seems to marvel at the little things: watching birds, tending to her flowers, taking the dog on a walk, riding her bike.

She was an equally delightful baby too.  So, so good.  As a toddler, she was so sweet.  It isn't memory fog either.  Believe me...I can recall with quite clear recollection how difficult and challenging raising my firstborn was/is (and little has changed, personality speaking. Sigh. Another story for next month when we celebrate HIS birthday!)  She finds things to do to keep busy.  She plays by herself in her room.  She loves games and puzzles and coloring and painting.  She wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up (but not putting any animal to sleep).

There are times that I can hardly wait to have these children grown and then there are times when I feel like I'm going to miss all of this.  Me singing silly songs featuring Jennifer and Bridget, the dog.  Sitting together on the couch reading or watching a movie.  Standing by as she learned to make blueberry muffins for the first time.  Receiving hugs from tiny arms.  Brushing her hair and putting them into piggies.  Sitting in the audience and watching her perform with fellow elementary school kids.  And a million other tiny moments.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl who turns ten tomorrow.  Ten.  I love you more than there are words.  You are my world and the light and you make ALL my days bright and fun and lovely.

 

On Being Mom

I feel I got lucky.  I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and I didn't have a husband who insisted I work and bring in a paycheck every month.  If I wanted to escape for a night away with the girls or for scrapbooking I didn't have to put toddlers and babies to bed first.  I didn't have to prepare dinner first or give baths before I could leave the house. 

When Larry and I got married I was working at a large bank as a loan officer and after we moved to San Diego I was a real estate underwriter.  I worked seventy miles away and after working full time I went to school full time.  By the time we decided to start a family we were both on the same page: I was going to stay home.  We didn't want kids in daycare and I think parents are misled to believe that once kids are all in school it is then the "perfect" time to go back to work.  Granted, my kids are not home during the morning and half the afternoon, but they need parental presence now more than ever.  When I was going to college my intentions have ALWAYS been to write from home.  Now, it would be kinda fun if I made a little somethin'-somethin' from my writing but I am fulfilled by the act of writing.  I also felt that if I ever NEEDED something to fall back on at least I have a degree.  Right now it is just something that happens to need dusting every week, but still, it is there.

I recently talked to a neighbor mom who was going to a girls night out at someone's house and with her was her youngest child, a toddler.  What kind of a "girls night out" could that be? I walked back into my house shaking my head and feeling extremely grateful that I have the husband I have...one that encourages ME TO BE HAPPY doing things that I enjoy.  One who is willing ot take over to allow me some much needed downtime and who doesn't...and never has...made me feel guilty about needing a break.

I also feel quite lucky that my husband doesn't view my job in our family as anything less than important even though I don't draw a paycheck from it.  Never once am I led to feel that my contribution to our family is less than par because he happens to be the one bringing in the money.  This marriage/parenthood thing is a partnership one hundred percent.  He works all day and makes the money that keeps a roof over our head and food on our table and I stay home and take care of his children and his home.  Sure, there isn't a specific dollar amount for the work I do but money doesn't make him more important than me...and that is the key to a happy marriage. 

I think it is terrible when we begin putting all the focus on MONEY and how much money do we make and who makes the money and all the shit that money allows us to buy and therefore the money has the power because then we lose focus on what is really important in life...The caring, loving mother who nurtures your family. Who takes care of the children. Who makes the home a happy and loving place to be.  Isn't THAT more important than ANYTHING MONEY CAN BUY??     What a horrible and sad shame that some people determine mothers to be worthless while the person who makes the money all-powerful in the relationship? Shame on them. And for that I immediately lose respect for men who view the mother of their children that way.

So does that mean that us mom's who do our job everyday and hopefully raise a future generation of children who AREN'T money hungry, or lazy, or fools as worthless? Mom's who make sure their children are loved and taken care of are a waste?  Really?  All because no money crosses our hands? Does anyone else see this as absolutely asinine?

I'm fortunate that in my own home I am never looked down upon for my job as mother.  I left a very good job making a very good wage back in 1995 that today combined we would be making a small fortune every month but you know what? It isn't worth it to me.  I don't regret the decision we made and my husband has never once made me feel less than because I don't work outside the home anymore.  He is grateful for what I do. And I'm grateful for what he does.  And together, hopefully, our home is a happy and loving place.  Isn't that the goal instead of being able to buy some new thing??

Cell Phones And Other Annoying Electronics

 

I'm getting sick of my cellphone.  That constant connection, all. the. time.  And, let me be fair: I'm totally addicted like a fourteen year-old teenager and I hate that about myself.  I don't want to check email ninety-two times in a day.  I don't want texting beeps to interrupt conversations with real people, face to face.  I don't want my kids to see me with that mothereffing thing every single minute of every single day.  Gawd, make it stop.  Sadly, I can't even remember what it was like without cellphones and other annoying electronics but I like to think the world was QUIETER and we all had a wee bit more social skills.

My kids still don't have cellphones.  Almost sixteen and thirteen (forget the ten year old, not a chance).  We have our "house" cellphone and my cellphone and that's it.  And you know what? Those kids are FINE.  Would they like cellphones? Oh, I'm sure they would.  However, lately they have been asking less and less for one.  When will they get cellphones? When they are either: a) away at college; or, b) on their own and able to work and pay for one themselves. 

My children will be okay.  They will not be scarred for life.  They will not feel unloved.  And I like to think that when they grow up they will realize just how lucky they were.

Recently someone asked me if I felt my kids felt they are left out because all their friends have cellphones?  Yeah, I don't know and I don't really care and I hope above all I am TEACHING my kids that they don't have to do EVERYTHING their friends are doing.  I mean, duh.  It's all too much...kids...cellphones...texting...blah blah blah.  How about learning about communication with one another outside of words like "ur" and "b4"?  How about learning how to exist in society without some electronic in our hands or to our ears?  Why are we placing so much emphasis on providing young kids with cellphones?  Is it THAT necessary to have contact 24/7? I realize the world we live in is very different than the one I grew up in...but every generation can say the same thing.

Will my kids feel left out because they don't have a cellphone? My God. What about teaching kids that you are not going to have everything that every other kid has or wants or possesses? It is called LIFE.  I hope I am teaching my kids that you don't get everything you WANT just because you WANT it.  I hope that I am teaching my kids that they don't need cellphones to feel "in" with other kids at their school.  I hope that I am teaching my kids that they don't always need to be followers.  I hope that I am teaching my kids that cellphones are not the end-all/must-have accessory and that life is much bigger, much brighter, much better than what can be found on a small electronic device.  See the world and stop keeping your head buried in your electronics!

Now, for those that know my children in real life know that my boys do have Ipods.  However, a huge side note here: they bought those with money they both saved for OVER a year.  We did not buy the Ipods for them.  And I think the Ipods are borderline just as annoying as the cellphones.  In fact, this summer the plan is to turn ALL electronics off, including mine, at least once a week, maybe more. 

Our society must figure out a way to be less buried in our cellphones/Ipods, etc. and more face-to-face with people...enjoying the world around us...having down time, even if that means being "bored" (another subject for another day but for the love of God, STOP overscheduling our poor children! When they grow up they are going to be so accustomed to being non-stop entertained that they will never know how to fill themselves.  Newsflash: boredom is OKAY.  It teaches them to be creative and to think instead of being constantly entertained by parents who think they have to keep up with the Joneses.  I'm also pretty sure the Joneses kids all have cellphones too...but, I digress).  Have fun, play games, take a walk, enjoy life and get your heads out of the electronic devises!