Wanted: Laughter

This is something that has been seriously missing in my world these days.  Laughter.  Not just a little laugh now and then but the true, deep inside you, giggle until you can't stop, laughter that comes from only one thing: letting yourself be lost in the humor.

I am NOT lost on any humor right now.  Oh sure, I have laughed, but immediately following, I am reminded, "oh yeah, I'm leaving."  It is on my mind every single solitary moment.

And because my world is heavy right now, laughter is a sparse commodity. 

I am looking forward to getting to that place again sooner rather than later.  Where I can relax and not think of the million STRESSFUL tasks that need to be done or think how in the world will I hold it together to actually pack this house, see the boxes being loaded onto a giant semi, and then the next morning say goodbye to this state.  HOW?

Am I dealing? Hmmm.  Good question.  I'm not sure.  I cry at the drop of a hat (and if my mom calls me "oversensitive" one more time, there may be blood).  I am simply sad.  My energy level is in the toilet.  I feel horrible.  I don't sleep well.  I worry.  And what seems to be the only help...mindless "tasks" that are of zero importance...

...Like organizing ALL my embroidery patterns into categories and then placing them in page protectors and into 3-ring binders.  Or, obsessively tearing apart magazines I have had piled up (many of which made the trek from San Diego up here with me...and the good news is that I no longer own ANY magazines in which will make the trek east), sorting them into categories too (like recipes, scrapbooking, card making, gift ideas, etc. etc.), and placing them in large bags later to be glued into already decorated composition books.

See what I mean?

Don't bother going to Triple A yet and getting the trip mapped out and reservations made.  Can't do it.  Sadly, I'm not even that excited about it yet.  Car trips are not high on my vacation list and couple that with closing shop on this house and the whole thing flops.

I did manage to purge a bit more and get the car worked on but it has to go back in the shop next week for a few things they couldn't get to because they had to order parts.  And, the dog is going in on Monday for some necessary shots and a prescription to drugs that will keep her calm on the journey.  I've also managed to snap 400+ photos of every angle, inside and out, of this house so later I can throw myself a pity party and cry endlessly, maybe while I watch sad tear-jerker movies too...why not.

I was doing so much better a month or so ago.  I got the moving company booklet with the to-do checklist and how early it should all be done and I was gung-ho on accomplishing the tasks before they were even "required".  Now, I'm about three weeks, at least, behind.  Do I care? Not really.  Will it all get done?  Pretty sure.  And, I figure I will be stressed no matter what, so what is the difference?  Being on top of it all and having all the ducks in a pretty row will not diminish the stress.

God, the stress.  I need it to go away.  I feel absolutely horrible.  I guess the glass half full is that we didn't put the house on the market YET because if we had and keeping up with all of THAT extra special stressy goodness would have literally thrown me over the edge.  And, honestly, I would have been happy to go off that edge...maybe smiling all the way down.

On the bright side: Larry is coming home-home TODAY.  We no longer have to say goodbye to him. I no longer have to do this single-mother bullshit all by myself.  Hell, I don't even have to take out the trash anymore.  At least we will be a family unit again and for THAT I am very happy.

In the meantime I will be looking for the laughter the second this enormous, ugly, unwanted weight is lifted from my ever-sagging shoulders.