Rough Draft

Josh, The New WWE

And to think this kid just a few years ago he was hooked on the television series, Full House.

He received a WWE belt for Christmas and that kid loves it.  He "practices" moves seen on WWE on the dog, his sister, and any willing stuffed animal he can find.  In our new house he wants a WWE bedroom (oh, fun).  I'm also pretty certain the scantily clad women on WWE is also drawing some interest in him as well which became pretty clear when he said he wants posters of these women in his bedroom (oy).

Words To Live By

Self control proves that denial isn't punishment and that less really can be more.

Don't eat what someone puts on THEIR plate.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. (Oscar Wilde)

Everything is changing...the only consistent is God.

Want: only satisfaction is in your heart, not in more stuff.

What matters most is we learn from living.

The more you ask how much longer it will take, the longer the journey will seem.

Goal:  to have a "bigger smaller life".  (Amen)

Happiness is a decision.

Home:  an environment offering security and happiness.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect...it means you decide to see beyond the imperfections.

Bloom where you are planted.

General Thoughts On Penn

My other Pennsylvania blog will have way more information, but I found it hard to bypass it altogether on this space, so I figure I would just highlight a few things here.  If you want to read about the whole thing and see photos, etc. you will have to check out the other blog.

* There are a lot of freeways in this town which totally shocked me.  Between San Diego and its horribly set up freeway system and Boise with their ONE freeway plus a teeny tiny "connector", this system of freeways was really unexpected and reminded me of the ease of getting around in Los Angeles.  In fact, Larry said two things about the freeways in this town: he has yet to find any traffic (and that is where the similarities between LA and northeast PA, end!).  And, the streets therefore are not congested at all (which is what we encounter here in Boise).

* One more thing about the freeways: they are beautiful.  Seriously.  As if they cut through a forest to lay the freeway.  And not just one freeway...they are ALL gorgeous that way. 

* TREES.  To say they are everywhere is almost too simple.  You can see trees for as far as the eye can see.  Absolutely, positively GORGEOUS.  Huge trees.  EVERY. WHERE.  I asked one guy who was selling his house (and we walked through) if the trees in his backyard turn yellow, orange, and/or red in the fall he said, "hmmm, I don't know."  YOU DON"T KNOW?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU"VE NEVER NOTICED?  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?  The trees make me truly happy.

* Quiet.  The area is just quiet.  Peaceful.  Friendly.  Slow...except on the freeway and then they drive like a bat out of hell...and because it has been a long time since I have had to merge and travel endlessly on freeways, I felt totally out of it and kept telling Larry to slow down!  Oh, don't worry, he LOVES when I do that. 

* Lots of boroughs on the outskirts of the one main city.  Not many stoplights in the little(r) boroughs.  And the roads are more narrow than what I am used to.  This place is old...over two hundred years...and in places it shows.

* I will not have trouble finding a colonial house of my dreams in that place.  They are freckled freakin everywhere!  One more beautiful than the next.  A sea of trees with just as many colonial type homes.  Heaven.  That has always been one of my favorite style homes.  And, when in Rome...

* People were out on their porches.  These people actually USE their front porches.  Sitting back...enjoying the nice day...visiting...relaxing...different generations all just hanging out on the porches.  I LOVE THAT.  That was probably my second favorite thing I noticed about it back there (trees being first, OF COURSE).  Almost every house back there has some sort of front porch...there was also a lot of families playing ball, etc. in the street in the smaller neighborhoods...it was really a delightful scene.  AND, EVERYONE WAVED AT US AS WE DROVE THROUGH THE STREETS.

* There are not stores and strip malls on every corner.  In order to get to the hub of Target, Wal-Mart, Sam's, Michael's, the mall, etc. I will have to drive around ten miles.

* It felt strange to be in a town where I knew absolutely positively NO ONE.  It was an odd, lonely, bizarre feeling.

* The weather went from warm and humid to mild with no humidity and a light wind to rain and downright chilly the last day.

* Lots of hills.  Rolling hills.  Big hills. Small hills.  Grassy hills.  Endless hills covered with endless trees.  I never realized how flat Idaho was until I went there and saw all the hills.

* They talk with an accent.  Sorta a step or two back from the Bronx.  I was mesmerized by it in some strange way.

* There are pizzerias on every corner.  It became a joke between Larry and I as we drove around and explored many different areas...by God, there might not be a strip mall or even a grocery store (and you best not run out of gas anytime soon), but if you are hungry for a piece of "round", "white", "red", or "square" pizza, you are in luck.  PIZZERIAS ARE EVERYWHERE.

People have commented about how I must love it there, how I will love the history, and so on.  Here are my thoughts on that.  It didn't feel like home.  That statement bummed my husband out but here is the thing: I had never considered Pennsylvania home even though I have had a private love affair with the east coast and living on the east coast for a very long time. 

But, in reality, I went out there for only a few days.  It is VERY different from the west coast.  VERY, VERY, VERYYYYY different.  I was tired and had lost luggage.  I was emotional.  And stressed over this huge move.  I missed the kids.  I felt lonely and sad at times.  The house we are renting is NOT in move-in condition and that was rough for me. 

Do I like it? Yes.  Will I be okay? Yes.  Will I bloom where I'm planted? I am trying. 

Overall it is a lovely, friendly, beautiful, slowed down, history-rich, character-filled part of the country.  But, it will be quite different from anything we have experienced before and therefore in four days it would be naive of me to state how I already felt like I am home...

To read more and see photos, check out the other blog...

My Life In Pictures This Week

It seems like forever that I have had access to my pictures for my blog so I am excited to share once again.

For the past two days both Jennifer and Harrison did musical performances at school.  I just love those things.  Our musical teacher does a truly amazing job...I always leave in awe...and she seems genuinely surprised when I go up to her at the end of every year's performance and tell her what a great job she did with the kids. I love watching how serious my kids are when they are singing...SO CUTE!

Today was my mother's birthday (and for the record: I baked her a cake even though I have baked my own birthday cake since 2004, but, hey, I'm not bitter or anything, whatever) and we had my family over for dessert and coffee.  I think I found her a pretty cool gift (and if I was really on my game I would give you a link to her website) which is a necklace (a 1x1 square) of a map of our hometown in Los Angeles, with pattern paper behind it.  Super cute and I can hardly wait to have one made for myself with our new city in Pennsylvania on one side and Meridian on the other. (And yes, that is a "100" candle on that cake.  I know, I'm so bad!)

An Excerpt

"As long as I had believed that financial security purchased emotional security, I'd lived a dependent, conditional life.  Now I realize that rather than mortgage myself for a dream life on a layaway plan, I prefer the rather nice kind of life I've stumbled into.  My desire for a double oven has less to do with signaling that I belong to a certain class or have reached a type of perfection and more to do with the fact that I haven't figured out how to make a pot roast and an apple pie at the same time.  So I make the pie ahead of time and reheat it.  I think it was Mark Twain who said, 'Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want.'  I tell my kids this, hoping they will learn to balance the act of pursuing with the act of savoring."

Excerpted from Money, a Memoir: Women, Emotions, and Cash, by Liz Perle.

One More Week

I am giddy.

One more week and I will be happily flying to Pennsylvania to visit Larry...all by myself.  Well, visit him and check out the location of our new area.

We haven't been on a vacation ALONE since, well, the summer of 1994. 

Too many years.

And, as an added bonus I will be gone for Memorial weekend, the kids last official day off from school.  Now, in my defense, because my mom may ask you, I did NOT plan it that way.  I honestly thought Memorial day was the following Monday. 

My bad.

My mom does not necessarily believe me and she is a little "concerned" that she will be with them for three days of no school (yeah, welcome to my world).  I told her it was okay for the boys to do some baking and, really, I wish I had my camera ready to capture that look.  Sorry mom.  I keep telling her it will be a good grandparent-grandchildren kind of extended weekend.

Meanwhile, I'm thrilled.  I leave on Friday...travel all day, which I don't care...I have a couple of stops along the way...the main problem being that the airport here is small and the airport in Penn is even smaller!  I plan to have my handy new little Blackberry and a book or two and I will be FINE.  I will not have to pick up after anyone, talk to anyone (I like to travel in silence and talk very little in airports and on the plane), cook, clean, or deal with bored/bickering children.  Then, I will have three full days with Larry since he will be off on Monday too.  I leave Tuesday evening...which means I will take Larry to work and explore the area on my own a little bit, which will be fun too...

My memory cards will be totally cleared and I plan to take a ton of photos (good photos, unlike my dear husband who TRIES but, holy crap, the crazy shots that man takes!!!) to bring back and share. 

More than anything I am very, very, VERY excited to see where we will be living...where I will be buying books...where the kids will be going to school...where I will do grocery shopping...and so on.  And, four-ish days with my husband, ALONE, it is like a second honeymoon...ironically in the same part of the country.

If There Was Any Doubt

I posted awhile back about how we have scaled down CONSIDERABLY this year compared to years past.  Normally we are running in fifty directions.  Exhausted and stressed.

This year I am exhausted and stressed but it has nothing to do with running like chickens with our heads cut off.

And, like I said before, while I miss the kids in sports, etc. I am kinda secretly digging having an EMPTY CALENDAR.  I feel like I can totally handle the stresses of our upcoming move without being overwhelmed 24/7.

I took these pictures last month but I didn't have access to my pictures on my old molasses computer so here they are now... 

April last year and April this year.  I think you can spot the differences.

Makes me happy to have it cleared.  In fact, Josh told me tonight that he normally goes to the calendar (an extra large one on the desk in our laundry room) in the morning to see what is on the schedule for the day but lately there has been absolutely NOTHING and he has given up checking.

Crazy Days

There is something like 13.5 days left of the school year.
I know, I am mean.
But, this can't be a shock, right?
Didn't I tell you around the Christmas holiday that this day was RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER?

It is all a little bit overwhelming and bittersweet.
Josh "graduates" middle school and will head to high school in a new city, in a new state.
Harrison "graduates" elementary school and will start middle school in a new city, in a new state.
Away from all their friends.
For that I am heartbroken for them.
I know, kids are resilient, but still, as a mother, this hurts a part of me.
Jennifer will be leaving second grade with all her little friends that are very sad to see their friend leave.

Summer also represents major change.
Our move is coming.
Six weeks, to be exact.
Suddenly, I feel the crunch of time.
That there will be simply NOT ENOUGH TIME to do all that I hope to do.
And that will be okay.
We are going slowly in our life at the moment which was a PERFECT solution to our normally hectic and overly-scheduled spring.

So, in less than two full weeks the kids will all be home.
Crap.
Not that I don't love them to pieces and cherish their every move but between the stress of dealing with the move across the country, being alone, AND having them all home all day...someone hold me.

On the flip side:  no homework...no read and responds...no alarm clocks.  Minutes instead planning our "vacation-a-la-move"...going to the pool...spending time with friends...and, enjoying the last bits of our life in Idaho.

Happy Mother's Day

Thank you to my kids for making me a mother today.

Larry's Visit Top Ten

When Larry came home at Christmastime we were busy and rushing and it was snowy and cold and the holidays kept us too busy.  But, this time, it was WAY better!!!  Here are some thoughts, in no particular order...

1.  Watching the kids run up to him at the airport at midnight...totally excited that their dad was home!  Equally fun was watching the dog go bat-shit crazy when Larry walked through the door! I thought she was going to wag her tail off she was wagging it so hard that her whole body shook.

2.  Within hours of being home so many things got done:  light-bulbs in the kitchen, our stair lights, the laundry room light.  He mowed, trimmed, treated the grass for weeds, killed the weeds in the vegetable garden, and fed the lawn.  He got this computer up and running (but it was still locking up on him so we ended up taking it in for repair...).  He took the Suburban for a smog, went to the bank, went to the store, and about a hundred other little tiny things that he just used to do.

3.  He took the kids to school, helped with homework, and got up early on his last day and made them waffles for breakfast.

4.  Being here for Jennifer's first communion!  Such a great day...and then being able to socialize with friends and family at our house afterwords.  

5.  HAVING FUN on Sunday.  Since he left, I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't really have a lot of fun with the kids.  There was always something that needed to be done...cleaning, cooking, laundry, homework, projects, etc. and it left me with little time and little energy to do FUN things.  When Larry was here we made sure we left Sunday free from any sort of chore.  We had a nice big breakfast...played a little Wii...went out Geocaching until we were caught in a total downpour...we played hours of Apples to Apples...BBQ ribs for dinner.  Such a nice, relaxing, FUN day.

6.  Larry being here for our anniversary!!!  We were able to easily go out for a nice Thai dinner, then to a movie...we had a great time.

7.  The whole time he was here I didn't think of chocolate once.

8.  Having someone to talk to at night after the kids go to bed.  Being able to lie in bed on Sunday morning and just chat.  Not feeling lonely. 

9.  Getting more excited about 1) my visit east in two weeks sans children (OMG! Hardly wait!); 2) connecting back up in less than two months.  I'm ready to be together as a family again.  Tired of being apart and separated and broken.

10.  Realizing that I want to spend time with him above all else.  That I looked forward to talking to him....being around him...slowing down and not rushing from one errand to the next.  Being a couple.  Talking about Pennsylvania and what we can expect from the next chapter in our life.

And then Tuesday hit and I was sad and sulky and down.  I hated the thought that he had to go back and we would once again be apart and I would be here, alone, dealing with the kids, alone.  I see the end and the light, and I'm ready to reach for it.  No four walls matter THAT much.