Rough Draft

Goodbye Spring Break

1 trip to the library.
1 day cleaning the house.
1 day running errands and grocery shopping.
2 sleepovers.
5 friends to play with.
4 movies watched.
643 pages read by everyone collectively.
1 get together BBQ.
1.5 meltdowns.  No, make that a solid two.
9 days playing video games.
2 dinners cooked by boys.
4 desserts made by kids.
42 phone calls to Larry.
2 days of laundry.
1 bottle of wine.
27 arguments de-fused.
6 PACE project practiced.
3 back to school lunches made while skipping, singing, and grinning ear to ear!
78 colorful balloons set free to celebrate the end of spring break. (Okay, we didn't technically set off any balloons, but I did in my head.)

Just One Of Those Days

This is now day two of trying to get the upstairs cleaned.  I blame spring break for my emotional and physical breakdown.  I curse you you springy sunshiney break from school for allowing me to sleep in and get too late a start to do anything productive.

I am also struggling with the details of my life.  I do it to myself.  I get one thing wrong...like my main computer, who still won't work after several tests with Larry of turning this off, unplugging that, pushing this, and will now require me to call the cable company to see if it is a modem problem because who the hell knows really...and suddenly I am making mental lists of the process of flying a dog across the country and figuring out how many boxes I'm going to need to pack this house up.  AHHHHHHHHHH.

Then, I'm on the phone almost all day...you know how that happens...talking to Larry...then my mom...the library calls me three times to tell me the books I've requested (for the kids, not me this time) are in.  Okay, three times?  They just called me yesterday to tell me.  I get it.  I'll be in soon, pinky swear.  Meanwhile, I'm on the phone with a friend and the doorbell rings...while I'm trying to help Harrison bake a cake...

I hear the kids talking and a man talking.  Then, Josh carries the dog and puts her outside and the four of us are standing in the kitchen.  I ask who was at the door.  He says some guy and they are still there.

How old are my children again?  You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

I go to the door...which the kids have not only abandoned, but left wide open, and listen to these two men talk about security systems.  Yes, I see the irony.  I tell them no thank you and I don't care how many of my neighbors you can recall by name, I'm not interested unless they have a program to teach children WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER not to answer the damn door to strangers.

Josh tells me he thought it was one of Jennifer's little friends.  Um, that is why we have two handy dandy WINDOWS on either side of the front door.  Not to mention that my only line of defense rests in one overly barky beagle whom he has now placed outside.

I further scare the crap out of the kids by telling them how fast two men can easily overtake me...and you placed the loud, possibly biting dog OUTSIDE, and two men standing at our door who could have easily come inside, closed and locked the door.

HELLO.

Wine.  I need you.

Now Josh is making brownies for a little end of spring (thank god) break BBQ at a friends house tonight...upstairs is still not cleaned...no one has showered and then when they all attempt to will wonder why, frustratingly, there is no longer hot water...my laundry is barely half complete and I'm ready for bed.

Emotionally I am now spent.  I have cried all morning and am exhausted.  My head hurts.  I am overwhelmed.  I am sad and frustrated and confused.  But, on the flip side, after the cake baking and the brownies...the house smells heavenly.

I'm coming to get you wine, I am...

From Eleanor Roosevelt

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously.  This is how character is built."

Favorite Things

 I'm grasping here I realize.  I have avoided the computer all day.  And now I am sitting here thinking, I gotta write.  I'm on my other computer, the less popular step-sister of the b-actress wannabe laptop who can't quite cut it as a laptop so is hooked up to a larger screen...and to make matters worse for these lame computers...neither is a true blonde.  Ah, sibling rivalry.  It's ugly among machinery.

So, favorite things is what you get today.

American Idol (can you say hello Adam? Yum)
Chicken Pad Thai
New Scentsy scents in the warmer
Josh's brownies
Taking a nap
Buttery chardonnay
Listening to the rain fall in the middle of the night
Flip flops
Back rubs
Polish sausage
New washcloths
Starting a new book and having high hopes for it
Watching the first colorful sprouts of spring in my garden
My car with a full tank of gas (a clean car would be icing on the cake)
Laughing hysterically over an inside joke with friends
Embroidery thread
My dog
American history
Looking through my old scrapbooks
My wedding ring
Good friends
Looking at the snow covered mountains out my kitchen window
A box of See's chocolates
The smell of coffee
Holiday spirit
Ice cream
Painted toenails
My vegetable/herb garden
Daisies
A date stamp (yes, I know, weird)
A cozy comforter
Capri's
French bread, fruit, various cheeses, wine...could seriously live on that
File folders
Ceiling fans
My home
My ever growing stack of books
A clean and tidy house
Chick flick movies
Watching the sunrise
Ribs like my dad used to BBQ
The smell of cut grass
Roses and Gardenia's that remind me of my mother-in-law
A good hair day
Praying
My huge desk calendar
Being silly and NOT acting my age
Cooking and baking
Butter
Remembering fond memories
Kids bedtime
Trees and birds

Chefs In The House

It all started when Josh was in the 6th grade.  He took a home economics class and came home with a Monkey Bread recipe he had to make over and over for all of us.

It has more or less trickled down to the other two, who have been, along with Josh, pouring over every single cookbook I own looking for recipes for dinner, possibly breakfast, and definitely dessert.

Today was a banner day.  Since spring break started my oldest has been pushing every wrong button I possess and it hasn't been pretty.  Today, was a much better day.  He decided he was going to make brownies from scratch for dessert.

First, I love the fact that the kids have a passion for cooking.  I'm trying to teach them little things like how to check when pasta or potatoes are cooked by tasting them (instead of whatever the pasta says on the box!!).  Or, how you can easily add a few ingredients or seasonings and make the dish taste even better.  Or, what the difference is between beating and combining.  Or, how certain spices work with certain foods.  It is fun to listen to them pour over the cookbooks.(And the added bonus is now they are THANKING me for every meal I make them!!! LOL.)

While I'm all for them deciding to make things there are a few rules I have.  For starters, we have to have the ingredients on hand because I'm not going to make a special trip to the store.  Second, they have to clean up their entire mess which means washing AND drying the dishes and cleaning the counter tops.

When I was a kid, I did more watching than actually cooking.  I honestly don't remember if I had a "passion" for cooking, per se, but I must have watched at least effectively and I surely came from a family of very good cooks.  However, my mom didn't really encourage me or get me in the kitchen to cook anything for dessert or a dinner once in a while.  I'm pretty sure that would have been permanently put on the back burner of my mother's high functioning kitchen.  However, I was master of the dish washer in the house.

Today was amazing.  Normally I am standing with the kids, showing them how to measure 3/4 cup when there isn't a specific measuring cup for 3/4.  I get out the ingredients and basically walk them through it all.  And, for Harrison yesterday I held his hand as we both whisked the eggs because he wasn't getting it.

Josh decided to make these frosted brownies.  I didn't even read the recipe.  He went into the pantry and grabbed all the ingredients himself.  He measured, beat, greased the pan, poured, baked.   

His only small issue was when he needed corn syrup and I could have sworn we had some.  Well, luckily a few other things will work and I showed him a suitable substitute before he was convinced his brownies were ruined unless I ran to the store immediately.

And you know what?  Those brownies were freakin INCREDIBLE.  Personally I have never made frosted brownies, let alone from scratch!

That boy may push every button to piss me off from here to the sun, but I am VERY PROUD OF HIM.  He did it.  All by himself.  I absolutely LOVE the confidence this one afternoon has given him.  So excited for him.

I can hardly wait to see what he has in store for us for dinner on Sunday...

Spring Break, I Hate You

Not since Spring Break, 1988, as a spry 22-year old on my way to Palm Springs for sun, liquor, and fun, did I think so highly of Spring Break.

Okay, sure, the homework issue is kinda nice but Harrison is memorizing his PACE project, Jennifer has 200 hours to read, both boys have make up homework from their days being sick, and Josh is focusing (and by Josh I mean me) on getting his book read and therefore next and final English book project underway so we are not waiting until the throes of more hell to get it done.  So, yeah, no homework, right.

As for sleeping in.  The last two mornings I woke up early, earlier than I do when my alarm goes off to take Josh to school before the sun comes up, because the damn dog and her bladder.  It wouldn't be so bad if she peed and came right back in.  Oh no, she has to meander and smell the grass and make sure a lone squirrel hasn't made its way onto our property.  I also think the clouds and the stars distract too.  Needless to say, by the time she does her business and then some, I have a hard time going back to sleep.  And, this morning, for instance, I started watching the History channel about the would-be graverobbers of Abraham Lincoln's body and was fascinated so much that I stayed awake for two hours watching it all.  Sick.  By the time it ended, the sun was up and it was time to get into the shower.

The kids all want to cook.  Tonight Harrison made dinner...parmesan chicken strips and homemade potato salad.  Tomorrow Josh is making frosted brownies from scratch.  The next night, apparently I get to make dinner and dessert...oh wait.  Then, on Friday it's Jennifer's turn to make dessert...some pie with chocolate graham crackers...Saturday night is Harrison's turn for dessert making and Sunday Josh is making dinner.  Oh dear Lord. 

Meanwhile, the bickering, the fighting, the arguing...UGH!  I'm ready to pull my hair out.  Oh wait, I already did that.  And it is only friggin Tuesday.

Hold me.

Tea Time

I love tea.

But when I'm home I seldom actually drink it.

Honestly, I'm just lazy to make it, which I know sounds lame.  But, you gotta boil the water, grab the loose tea which means you also need a strainer thing which requires me to take the several feet into my dining room and open a drawer and a cabinet in my hutch.  I know you are thinking...what about tea bags?  I use them occasionally, but I just prefer the loose tea instead.  Too many years of throwing tea parties has caused me to socially snub the use of tea bags.  Then, I have to sit and wait for the water to boil.  Then, wait again for the tea to seep.

Meanwhile, coffee can be made in my sleep.  Pour water in.  Put coffee in.  Turn on.  Coffee, and plenty of it, is ready within minutes.

However, I am currently out of coffee and because I need caffeine as much as I need air to breathe, I decided to make tea instead.

I have been recently thinking of tea, actually.  I have two tea thingy's (I obviously have not had enough caffeine yet today because I can't even think of the right word, but the word thingy always works in times like this, work with me here) that I have been wanting to try...

One is a pretty (larger) tea cup with a "built in" strainer and a lid to keep the tea hot/warm while you are seeping the leaves.  

The second one calls itself an "ingenious teapot" and indeed it is.  I have never opened this up even though I've had it for over a year.  The basic premise is you put water in, which can heat up directly in the microwave (a plus).  You fill with leaves, close the lid, and let seep.  When you are ready to dispense, there is a valve on the bottom.  At first I couldn't figure out to open the valve.  But, I was making it all entirely too complicated.  All you gotta do is place this smart little "tea pot" over your cup (the valve is slightly pushed down when it is on top of the cup) and tea dispenses directly into your cup.  Viola.  I LOVE IT.  I had to grab the kids into the kitchen to show SOMEONE how fun and smart this little gadget is.  They wondered why I was pulling them away from their video games to show them how tea water dispenses into mom's cup.  Riveting Spring Break stuff over here. 

My plan yesterday was to try both out and see which one I liked the best for daily use.  I couldn't get past this "ingenious teapot" to even try the cup one. 

My favorite tea is strawberry.  I have so much tea, some not even photographed here, because every year I buy more and more tea for my annual tea parties, and it is really a shame to not drink any of it.  Besides strawberry my other favorites would be an English Breakfast or even better, Irish Breakfast.  Yum.  So good.

Excuse the mug.  Right now it is my favorite and the thing holds almost the entire "pot" of my "ingenious" gadget worth of tea.  I don't use fancy tea cups, even though I own many that mean a lot to me and each has their own story of how I became the owner of it (like the ones that belonged to my mother-in-law and the many that belonged to my grandmother)...not to mention I collect tea cups as well.  However, daily use doesn't warrant the fancy-smancy tea cup.  I draw the line at snobbiness with the insistence of tea leaves.  Plus, when I use my tea cups, I want many friends around to share the ritual with.

Inside my everyday mug is only milk.  And, since I only drink black teas, milk is perfect with it.

Five Months

It has been five months today that Larry left for Pennsylvania.

Five months ago I had hope.  I didn't realize then that the bottom was about to fall out in this economy and that living in a town like Boise meant that when the jobs dried up there would be little to no other options.  And since it doesn't really matter what field you are in at the moment, nothing seems to be on solid ground so his IT background means little in terms of safety or a bounty of jobs to pick from.  For the time being, at least in this town, that seems to be a thing of the past.

Of course, the truth is he never did have a super easy time in this town finding work even when times were supposedly better...so, maybe this was just meant to be a pit stop on that good ole road of life.  Who knows.  I sure don't.

I'm still not completely, 100% saying nor admitting that we are for sure moving yet. Because when I do it will all feel so entirely real and therefore scary.  There will be to-do lists a mile long and goodbyes to say and our life will once again be uncertain and chaotic...at least temporarily.

Larry has officially been looking for a Software Engineer job in this town for OVER A YEAR.  He came close a couple of times.  In the end, I feel confident that if it were meant to be, it would happen...therefore, perhaps this simply wasn't meant to be.  Period.  And I'm okay and at peace with that.  I'm tired of him looking for work.  And I'm sure HE IS BEYOND TIRED OF LOOKING FOR WORK.  In the meantime, he has an awesome job he absolutely LOVES and which provides for his family as well as himself back there with many perks and benefits.   So, finding a comparable job out here just may not happen.  No, the odds are it will most certainly NOT happen.  There it is.

We moved here to begin a life that was slower-paced...out of the hustle and bustle of southern California with the millions of people and crowded highways and people always in a hurry.  And we found that here.  However, if things were to be done differently, perhaps we would not have landed here but somewhere else equally beautiful, slower, and with the quality of life we were aiming at.  AH, hindsight.  It always shows brightly and clearly after the fact.

And because of this town I have come across some truly wonderful people.  Some not so wonderful people too.  I have enjoyed the small town atmosphere and the seasons and a hundred other great things.  I love living in this house we built thinking it was our last house, our dream house.  It certainly was a dream house, just not our last house, after all.  And moving across the country will not be a total horrible thing.  There will be MANY, MANY, MANY incredibly GREAT things about living back there...not all dealing with history, by the way, although that does rank up there for me.  But, there are other VERY GOOD things about moving.  VERY, VERY GOOD!

At the top of that list, of course, would be living with my husband again.  The kids being in the same house as their father again.  We have all suffered, and grown without him.  He is missing things that are happening daily.  I miss my husband and my partner and someone to talk to...in person. 

As of May 1st Larry will cease the job hunt for Boise.  And, we will move into The Big Ole Move Across The Country mode (take two).  And we will be fine.  We will be happy.  We will be okay (more than okay!).  We will be relaxed once all is said and done.  We will be together.  Boise will become yet another blip on our life story.

As of May 1st he will get the moving ordeal started.  We will decide where to live.  Where the kids will go to school next fall.  We will figure out how to get Bridget from point A to point B (and by we I mean Larry).  We will close this book and look forward to starting another.  I will make lists of all those dreadful tasks that are involved with moving.  Luckily, having done it before...and not that long ago...it won't feel as foreign.

Five months ago, I truly didn't believe I would be writing this post in March.  I had high hopes for this town.  In the back of my mind, while doubt was always there, I truly believed in the glass half full and he would find work out here.  However, I am a firm believer in things working out the way they are meant to work out and that means that for me and my family Boise was just not meant to be.

Five months from now we will be settled, most likely, in a town very far from where I'm sitting right now.  In a house that will be unfamiliar to me.  The kids will be ending their summer fun and getting ready to start school somewhere new with new people.

It is amazing to me sometimes how life takes you on rides, especially when you aren't expecting to hop the train for a joy ride.  Suddenly, here you are.  And honestly, if I were faced with the decision to stay put while he goes ahead for a possible EIGHT monhts, I would not do it.  I would have maybe waited an extra month to let him go forward and get us settled and told the kids, prepare yourselves because in 30 days we are moving back east!  I didn't have doubts that I would be able to "handle" the ins and outs of running the household, dealing with it all inside and outside the house, plus the dog, car, and kids.  Of course I am beyond tired and I don't sleep well and I am very lonely and sad.  But, at the end of the day there is nothing to compare with a family unit that is intact.  That my children's father is here and present.  And right now I am ready and counting down until we are under the same roof, even if that means not this roof.

All the other details I will hold out until after May.  We have more or less settled on an area and a school district.  He is coming out here again and I plan to go out there alone.  When we actually plan to move and how long it will take us to get there and why.  We have been working on dozens of details on the sidelines for months, hoping that maybe all our efforts would be in vain, but knowing somewhere deep that we are only fooling ourselves.

I have a blog that was being used for another purpose that I am in the process of changing to a moving-related blog where I will be able to write honestly and a lot about the move and the toll it may take and the good and the bad of our new area...all that I will miss from Boise...and many things that I won't miss.  I will post pictures of our journey and share the good and bad of what we are leaving behind as well.  As soon as I get it to a point that is acceptable for public viewing, I will add a link.

In the meantime...I will say that this situation has opened my eyes to MANY different things.  Things that I never would have believed could happen.  Things that I didn't think I was capable of.  Things that I will be extremely sad and mournful over for probably years to come.  Things that I wish could be different.  Things that make me excited to leave.  Things that make me hard to even utter the word goodbye.  Things that make me shake my head.  Things that make me feel comforted and loved and that some people truly do care about me and my kids and my family and my happiness and the fact that I am alone.  Things that I could have never imagined.  Things that will NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

15 Random Questions

1.  Where were you 3 hours ago?  I was sitting on the couch starting a new book.

2.  Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?  I'm in my office/scrapbook/creative room so I do have several pink pencils and a pink trimmer (but pink isn't really my thing so red dominates...)

3.  When was the last time you went to the mall?  I go to the mall every time my mom is in town...so, that means Christmas time.  I HARDLY EVER go to the mall outside of the holidays and if I do it is for a specific reason (take, for instance, See's Candies) only and then high tail my ass out of there.  I am NOT A SHOPPER.  And, I H.A.T.E. the mall as a general rule.

4.  Are you wearing socks right now?  I wear socks in this house from October-May otherwise my feet would freeze off.  From June-September I am barefoot.

5.  When was the last time you drove out of town?  Hmmm, I guess "technically" we drove out of town when we went to Jackson Hole in the summer of 2005.  But, we cross city lines all the time.  Oh, wait a minute.  We drove to Oregon just last summer to go camping.

6.  What was the last food you ate?  We had loaded baked potatoes, hot out of the crockpot, with cheese, ground beef, bacon bits, sour cream...yum.  And, chocolate chip ice cream with chocolate fudge shell...waiting for me later.

7.  When was the last time you ran?  I would rather hike in a snowstorm seventeen miles, up hill, with no water and no food...than run.  So, I guess the last time I officially ran was in high school, exactly 25 years ago.  Well, wait.  I probably didn't do any running as a senior so it would most likely be somewhere between 27-29 years ago.  Running is right up there with the mall. 

8.  What was the last sporting event you watched?  Josh's basketball tournament back in February.

9.  What is your favorite animal?  Well, that depends.  As a pet, a dog.  Favorite wild-animal-type would be a moose.  And, as an overall favorite would definitely be a bird...but the birds that fly freely, not the ones in cages. 

10.  What is your dream vacation?  That also depends.  I would love to go back to Vermont where Larry and I honeymooned (which will soon become VERY easy to do).  I would love to sit on a beach in Tahiti and drink pretty drinks.  Okay, I really want to go to Colonial Williamsburg too.

11.  What was the last person's house you were in?  Pam's a week or so ago when we sat and had a glass or two of wine...

12.  What are your plans for tonight?  Oh, I have a riveting Saturday night planned.  Right now I am watching Grease.  Pretty soon I will go into the family room and read more of my book...wait for SNL...eat some ice cream...and maybe do some stitching.  I know, I am hott.  

13.  What is the next trip you are going to take?  Well, it appears that the next trip will be a road trip from here to the east coast, stopping as many times as we can along the way to see the sights.

14.  Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?  I hate soda so I don't drink it but I do drink my water with a straw, which is how I prefer to drink it, even though the straw is on the interesting side! Right, Bucket?  LOL.

15.  What were you doing at 12AM last night?  Corinna and I were watching a movie, eating popcorn, chatting, and laughing.

Goodbye Winter

I've said it here many, MANY times...living in a different part of the country has allowed us to enjoy and appreciate the difference that each season brings.  I LOVE THAT.  Here, you really NOTICE spring.  Right now, while the grass and plants are still dormant and therefore looks all yellowy/dead/brown there are small sprouts of yellow and purple flowers beginning to pop out of the earth.  It is EXCITING.  And, when the temperatures reach almost 70 degrees, like today, you rejoice and wear capri's with short sleeve shirts without the need for even a sweatshirt.  Ah, hallelujah.

I have never been a fan of spring before moving to Idaho.  Spring was really no different from winter or summer...the warm sunny days just rolled into one and the grass never went to sleep...that motherbleeping yard needed to be tended to twelve months out of the year (ugh...no thank you). 

Here, spring is VERY different from winter.  From here on out, plants will come alive.  Trees will blossom into gorgeous colors.  Flowers will bloom and color the landscape.  Snow will just about be a thing of the past and rain will occupy many days (love the rain!).  And, as we inch closer and closer to summer, the days will become warmer and more glorious.

So...

Goodbye icy roads that make my car swivel and roll and makes me say, "whoa..."
Goodbye shoveling the driveway so it doesn't ice up.
Goodbye getting into the freezing car in the morning to take the kids to school.
Goodbye keeping tabs on gloves, hats, and scarves.
Goodbye driving through the damn snow and praying that I don't slide.
Goodbye to those awful words like Freezing Fog; Black Ice; Freezing Rain; and Slick Roads.
Goodbye to gas bills that almost reach $400.
Goodbye to keeping the yucky heater...that I hate so much...on all the time.
Goodbye to jackets and layers and cold toes and fingers.
Goodbye to serious "Winter Storm Warnings" on the news. 
Goodbye to short, dark days.
Goodbye feeling stressed when some jackass behind you in the snow wants you to go faster.
Goodbye winter, see ya around.