Rough Draft

Out With The Old...

Ah, New Year's Eve.

When I was young(er) my parents ALWAYS had friends and relatives over our house.  We would eat like kings and then they played games.  Sometimes Lisa and I would sneak off with a bottle of champagne that the adults never missed.  As I got older I did a variety of things including parties and going to the Rose Parade and waiting all night to watch it, street side.

When Larry and I were dating we spent two New Year's Eve's at a Barry Manilow concert (despite what you think of the guy, he puts on a hell of a New Year's Eve show!).  In our early marriage we spent New Years with my parents playing cards.  And then for a couple of years we went to Darcy and Bobby's when we only had two little babies between us...we would eat, drink wine, and play games.

Once we had more kids we opted to order Chinese food, rent some movies, celebrate at 9pm (New York time) with the kids and put them promptly to bed.  It was our new tradition that we absolutely loved.  We didn't have to drive anywhere...we got to sit around in our PJ's...watch movies...eat yummy food and relax as we rung in the new year.

When we moved here we celebrated that first year with Mike and Linda popping popcorn and watching movies.  We have also gone to our friends Darcie and Dan's house for New Year's parties...playing games and drinking wine (perhaps a trend).

This year I am alone.  And I am extremely tired at the moment.  I am emotionally beaten down.  Tonight I am taking a break.  I declined a couple of parties and opted instead to put my PJ's on (the kids already have theirs on)...we picked up Chinese food earlier in the day for dinner...I fried up some won-ton's to nibble on today and tomorrow...and we rented a bunch of movies (I also have a glass of wine chilling and my book ready to be opened!). 

I am looking forward to relaxing tonight.  Doing nothing.  Going nowhere.

I'm not in a good place today.  I'm not happy.  I'm not in the mood to be around people, talk, or put on a happy smile.  I will ring in the new year with the kids (that's the plan right now anyway but it is likely to change!) and talk to Larry on the phone at his midnight and ours.  I may spend a few minutes wallowing in self pity, who knows.  I'm sad.  And I'm lonely.  And while I could have remedied that situation by accepting the party invites, I just couldn't bring myself to doing it.

I would love to look back on 2008 and reflect or go over the good and the bad, but honestly at this point I would rather not go into a lot of details.  It certainly wasn't the worst year I have ever had but I would be lying if I said I wasn't glad the year is hours away from being over.  I"m sure I had moments of great insight and plenty of ah-ha moments...I'm sure I could recall plenty of times when I laughed until my stomach hurt or when I was silly, sad, frustrated, worried, joyful and happy.  Yes, yes, yes, the emotions were all there these past 366 days.

But, I'm tired. 

I will say goodbye and adios to 2008 and with much trepidation will I welcome 2009 with open arms.  I will not be starting any magical diet tomorrow nor will I come forth with a list of resolutions...I may have a handful of goals or a revised to-do list but not resolutions.  And whether I am ready for the new year to begin or not, it will happen anyway and I am simply going to be along for the ride, taking me and my family wherever the road leads...

Have a very happy New Year's...stay safe out there tonight...and see you next year!

I Accept

I'm not saying I deserve one of those super big awards or anything, but I have been blogging everyday of 2008. 

Every. Day. 

Maybe a nice round of applause or something?  Can you all swing that? How about a little platter of Thai food (the chicken pad Thai or the red curry is my favorite, just sayin')?  Or, a selection of pretty nail polish in various shades of purple and lavender?  Okay, I'll take cash too.  Whatever you all decide will be great.  Really. 

Oh, hell, I'd kinda like the award too.  As long as it is big and shiny...maybe with a faceless guy/girl sitting on a stack of books holding a laptop and a pen in his/her other hand like the statue of liberty...not that I have been giving this a lot of thought or anything.

But, it has been everyday that I have written something, after all. 

Every.  Day. 

This is big.  BIG, I say.

Where Am I?

We just finished with the snowiest December in Boise History (well, since eighteen-something).  The roads have been snowy and in some locations...like my street...one huge skating rink (fun.  Really.  Super F-U-N).  The temperatures at night have been downright cold and during the day feels like, well, WINTER.

Today it is 57 degrees.  Seriously?  Fifty-seven?  As in almost 60?  Where do I live again?  Larry told me yesterday in Pennsylvania he had over sixty degrees and sunshine.  In December?

The snow now is almost completely gone.  Melted.  Dry.  Hot.  (Okay, maybe not hot but I am in short sleeves...okay, I'm almost always in short sleeves...but I would say it is more like springtime than WINTER!)

I'm not complaining.  I love the snow.  I love the COLD.  I LOVE the rain.  Sure, the icy roads can move to Buffalo or something.  But, I will say these balmy-type temperatures are a nice little break too from the chill.  This is what I love about this place.  Variety.  Even in December.     

Winding Down The Year With A Little Of This And A Little Of That

I feel as though I have been caught up in a whirlwind of high emotions, holiday food, and remembering all those little things I wanted Larry to look at before he left...

I'm exhausted.

Mentally and physically.  I feel as though I have been whacked over the head with something sharp and I haven't slept well in weeks.

The dog has been a beast.  She has grabbed turkey legs off the table, grabbed new stuffed animals...and my lip balm, the little bitch.

Thank God we are now entering into the final stretch, the downhill slide, the light at the end of the tunnel, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...one more (glorious) week with the kids at home.  They are bugging me.  I am bugging them.  I am tired of hearing the sound that is associated with video games.  They bicker and argue and tonight they were fighting over the type of dinosaur chicken nugget (they all apparently wanted the TRex and there was only two)...are you kidding me?  And, for the love of God, are they ever full?  Plus, Jennifer hasn't picked up a book and I'm annoyed that she has to read 200 minutes while on vacation! Even she complained that she deserved a break (I agree) and then there is Josh's English project.  Lord. Help. Me. And. Send. Down. Wine. And. Plenty. Of. It.

I watched the movie White Christmas this afternoon with my mom.  I will admit that I have never seen it before.  It was charming, amusing, and downright funny.  I actually want to own it now.  How completely lame and out of touch am I?

I have started reading The Host.  The jury is still out.  It is truly easy-reading-squeaky-clean Stephenie Meyers at her wholesome best but I have huge hopes for the story.  Thankfully, reading allows me the escape from the stress and loneliness I am feeling over my present situation and provides me a lot of solace.

Did I mention how much I hate video games?  Maybe I mentioned that before...Ugh.

The weather has been truly beautiful.  Apparently, we have had the snowiest December in over a hundred years.  It has been wonderful and I love it.  This week we are supposed to have rain and todays rain and "balmy" temperatures have just about melted it all.  But, I also love the rain.

In true Jennifer form:
Jennifer:  "Mom, this (stuffed) animal was from Santa right?"
Me:  "That's right."
Jennifer:  "Well, look at this tag.  It says, made in China."
Me:  "Hmmm, yeah, weird.  I guess Santa has some of his toys made in China instead of the north pole."  (Give me a break here.)

We bought the movie Mamma Mia and watched it last night with the kids.  Josh thought it had entirely too much singing.  Um, that is called a musical son.  Harrison and Jennifer loved it and Harrison is begging to watch it again tonight.  I love that movie.  It makes me happy.  Granted, seeing Colin Firth as a gay man is disturbing and I have to be reminded of Mr. Darcy in order to be okay.  And the Dancing Queen scene I foresee myself rewinding again and again...and again.  By far my favorite scene.

And...Larry left this morning bright and early.  A taxi came to get him at 3am.  He said goodbye to the kids last night and had to go into Jennifer's room three times because she couldn't stop crying.  I went in to comfort her and both of us sat on her bed and cried together.  I am beginning to wonder why I decided to hold out in moving out east because this situation sucks and it is hard and I'm tired.  When he was here it was as if he never left.  I had to keep reminding myself that he actually works in Pennsylvania.  Last night I was frantic to remember if we got everything that I needed him to do...of course, some things just didn't get done like taking down the Christmas lights outside due to the four+ inches of snow falling all day.

I miss him already.  I watched the taxi drive away and my heart felt heavy.  My head hurts.  I miss him here.  I miss talking to him (in person).  I miss our own little routines.  I miss our jokes and laughter.  I'm just sad.  Lonely.  All over again.  And, for the love of God, make these children go back to school soon! I felt like I haven't been able to think clearly since before my mother arrived.

Day Off

I am taking a day off from my computer and blogging to spend time with my husband and my kids.  I'll be back tomorrow...

Eleven Years Ago

1997.

What I remember most was a conversation I had with my dear, dear friend Lisa at the time.  We were both pregnant and she was due in December.  I had given her plenty of crap because she was about to have a Christmas baby (believe me, not that there is anything wrong with that, it just is a challenging time of the year to celebrate birthdays).  I was due February first.

Her baby girl arrived almost two months early.

And mine was about to arrive five weeks early.

The day after Christmas.

Today, eleven years ago my water broke.  I remember being mis.er.able on Christmas day.  Then, at 5am I awoke to, ahem, my water breaking (I won't go further in explanation).

The one thought I had: Oh My God I am going to be the one with the Christmas baby! That's what I get for giving Lisa crap all summer long.

However, the baby and the doctor had different ideas.  He apparently refused to move and the doctors refused to induce so soon.

I ended up spending one long week in the turtle portion of the hospital maternity wing waiting for my little bundle.  I celebrated New Year's laying in bed waiting for labor to start.  Finally, on January 2nd the doctor felt comfortable inducing labor and sixteen hours later, Harrison was born. 

We spent today sorta celebrating his birthday.  I wish I could say we had a wonderful day.  I was beyond exhausted and he was, well, hmmm, CRAB.BY. 

We took off the Christmas ornaments that we normally do on New Year's Day...and replaced them with his special birthday ornaments (the tree must come down tomorrow before Larry leaves).  

I baked him the cake he picked...German Chocolate (he had several to choose from because I keep several boxes of cake mixes in the pantry)...and then he noticed the frosting had coconut in it, which he hates, therefore I was forced to only frost 3/4 of the cake, leaving a section plain.  Talk about a super pretty cake...  (notice the expression).

We went to see Bolt at the theaters (super cute movie...really enjoyed it) and then we went to Famous Dave's for dinner (after going round and round with everyone giving their two cents and Harrison suddenly unable to make a decision!).

Then we got home and he began his long decent into meltdowndom... 

...I didn't have his gift ready because I will be here next week for his ACTUAL birthday unlike Larry who is leaving bright and early on Sunday and my mom who leaves on New Year's Eve and she didn't have a gift for him yet either.  I tried to talk to him about how we spent the day decorating his birthday tree...which is an annual tradition reserved only for him in his around-the-holiday-birthday...baking a cake, going to the movies, and out to dinner.  Shit child, what else? Okay, there wasn't technically any WRAPPED GIFTS waiting for you... 

We even played a couple of rounds of Apples to Apples tonight until he decided he didn't want to play that game anymore.  More meltdowns.  Josh has been hogging the Wii.  More meltdowns.  Go wash your hands.  More meltdowns.

Good times.  Happy Water Breaking Day son.  (Let's hope the actual birthday in a week is happier and less meltdownish than today was.) 

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas filled with love, laughter, and joy.

Christmas Eve, Merry

I got up nice and early this morning and turned on my coffee and proceeded to prepare for the day before everyone got up and my mom got here.  Sometimes I can get so much more done in those early morning hours when the house is quiet and I am alone.

I even had a chance to sit down with a cup of coffee and read my book.  I never can do that sort of thing...on a holiday (but what a treat to stare out the big living room windows at the snow with the dog curled on my lap!).  But, I decided that I need my life to be simpler and calmer...these days more than ever.  Not an easy task with my mother in town, because we are quite different in how we approach most things, holidays included.   

I will say that I have never felt this calm on the morning of hosting a holiday.  It feels wonderful.  I am sipping my coffee, my house is as clean as it is going to get, the food is prepped, the table is set.  The kids are doing crafts and putting laundry away and Larry took one child with him (God I miss that ability!) to Lowe's to get boy things like batteries and water filters...things I rarely, if ever, think of. 

This afternoon we are heading out to the church for the Children's Christmas Eve Mass.  It will be the first one we have attended and I can hardly wait.  Harrison is singing in the choir (they have been practicing for weeks) and Jennifer is part of the donkey crowd in the play portion of the mass and I am in charge of helping the little ones get into costume prior to mass. 

Meanwhile, more snow is expected this afternoon and into the night and tomorrow morning which means a "true" white Christmas.  We've had snow on the ground for several years on Christmas morning but it hasn't actually snowed...what a (magical) treat!  So excited.    

Hope all of you have a wonderful, peaceful, and safe Christmas Eve...

Home

Larry made it home very late last night.  It would have been much later if he didn't catch that earlier flight in Detroit.

Of course it started lightly snowing about two hours before his flight was due in.  While I feel confident these days driving in this weather close to home (let's say within 5 miles, max), the drive to the airport in all its-15-mile-glory seemed a bit too much...like driving a whopping 38MPH on a sheet of ice.

My dear friend (and Harrison's fourth grade teacher last year) Rene called me half a dozen times last night to ask how Larry was going to get home.  At that point I just wasn't sure yet.  She offered to pick him up.  I reminded her that his plane wasn't landing until midnight, possibly later.  She said she didn't care.  When she called me just after 11pm it was definitely snowing and I was concerned that she was heading (all the way) to the airport in the snow...so late.  She reminded me that she is from Minneapolis and this was no big deal and she was happy to do this for us.  So sweet.  Totally took the edge off my evening.  Thank you SO MUCH Rene!  I really appreciate it...and "The Office" stuff will be coming your way as soon as Larry gets back "home".

The very first thing I noticed was this flowery scent.  What the hell was that?  Was it the soap he used at the airport?  Apparently, my husband uses some weird laundry soap and 3 out of 4 of us do not like it and he agreed to let me re-wash his items of clothing he brought with him in the Tide with bleach.

The dog went berserk.  I have never heard her whimper like that before.  She could not wag her tail fast enough. Of course, she didn't seem overly thrilled at the lack of space in our bed!  And I realized that after two months our bed suddenly seemed entirely too small!

We are trying to enjoy every fast fleeting moment.  He got up this morning and made us waffles and pancakes...shoveled our driveway...changed all the lightbulbs that needed changing...and put a timer on our lit tree out front.  He played Wii with the kids and went to the Bookmobile and delivering gifts to the kids friends with us.  God, I miss him.

It feels normal that he is here and yet so odd that he will soon be leaving again.  I am trying to not think that far ahead and just enjoy our moments together.

Today...

...did all the laundry.
...finished some embroidery projects.
...started a new book.
...kept the kids OFF video games until after lunch.
...spent entirely too long in the kitchen feeding everyone.
...enjoyed the "warmer" day with blue skies and sunshine that made the snow glisten.
...i am exhausted, mentally and physically.
...helped jennifer make glittery snowflakes.
...watched the kids put together a paper christmas tree.
...put a turkey in the oven for dinner (and apparently i used too much salt).
...talked half a dozen times to larry who is navigating his way across the country as we speak.
...gave jennifer a bath and braided her hair.
...swept the floors.
...shoveled snow off the driveway and walkway.
...put out fights, fed the dog, argued with children, wished that school was still in session.
...put "christmas tree" scent into my scentsy and it smells wonderful.
...made cream cheese filled won-tons as a snack.
...watched entirely too many weather reports.
...waiting now for larry to show up.