Rough Draft

The End Of The Hand Shake

I wash my hands a lot.  But, I don't think I am overly obsessive about it.  I don't freak out in public bathrooms.  I don't think extra hard over what transpires in back kitchens.  I don't stress about germs.  But, I personally like my hands clean at all times...so much so that I don't even enjoy "finger" foods...I'd rather use a fork, thanks.

A couple of Sunday's ago the priest at our church announced that the diocese of Pennsylvania has announced (maybe it was the Pope that announced it, honestly, I don't remember) that because of the Swine Flu and winter in general they were ceasing the ritual of shaking hands during mass.

Now, for those of you readers who do not attend a Catholic church...there is part of the mass, about halfway through, that we "give peace" and by doing so we shake hands with our pew neighbors.

I will admit that it is not my "most favorite" part.  As a kid, I hated that part of the mass.  As an adult I am always aware of what people are doing with their hands.  Are they picking at their various body parts? Are they coughing into their hands? Are they wiping their kids noses?

And I will also admit that after mass I can hardly wait to wash my hands.  I have always thought it a little strange that we shake hands (and we used to hold hands during the Our Father in both San Diego and Idaho but here they don't practice that) and then shortly go up to receive the Host, in our hands.

Okay, I know that I said I wasn't obsessive about hands and germs and here I go on and on about it...

But, I will say this: AFTER the peace part of mass I inevitably smiled.  After I shook hands with all my pew neighbors and the priest continued with the mass I turned back around and had a smile on my face.  It just happened.  I was immediately lighter.  Slightly happier after the ritual.  And week after week I think to myself, "why do I dislike this part so much and yet end up happy afterwords?"

For weeks now we have all been stumbling with the shaking hands part of the mass.  Some people still do it, some don't and you are left either nodding your "peace be with you" to people with their hands out or you are the one with your hand out and it is not received.  Awkward.

Last Sunday I watched as Larry went to shake hands (we are creature of habits! It is hard to break!) with an older woman and she was almost scornful as she just nodded her head and kept her hands in a locked embrace at her waist.

Now when the priest continues with the mass I am not smiling.  Sure we have turned around and did the whole "peace be with you" with a simple nod of our heads, but it isn't the same.

I don't feel that smile anymore. I don't feel that simple pleasure that the simple act of shaking hands and wishing peace to strangers brings.

And that makes me sorta sad.  Like something was missing. 

I should also say that I don't recall ever (EVER) getting sick after a Sunday mass and shaking hands with people.

Ah, well.  Change.

Q & A Take II

If I knew then what I know now...

I would have definitely gone AWAY to college...away from home...in another state somewhere...live in a dorm...the whole college experience...and skip the "working and buying a new car" thing because THAT will come in time but living in a dorm and going away to college is only a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Biggest waste of time

Playing Bejeweled on Facebook!!! It is so relaxing and addicting but once I start it is hard to stop so I only log onto it late in the evening and give myself a short window of "play time".

What's your favorite place in the world?

My house in Idaho.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I'm sure I have one more recent but all that is coming to mind right now is when I was in high school and in the school play and when I sat down on a bench prop during a performance it broke and I fell down.

Childhood ambition

Writing.

Fondest memory

It is hard to pick only one because there are thousands but the first one that came to mind was sitting at my wedding reception, up on the "stage" with our wedding party, completely sober (our choice for that night) and looking out on our 300 guests and thinking how grand life is at this exact moment...that in front of us were all these people here for US!  And, I remember thinking, "I need to remember THIS moment right here, right now."

Wildest dream

To live in NYC in some cute and small apartment and work as a staff writer on a sitcom, SNL, or Late Night.

Proudest moment

Watching my kids in their activities...sports, musical performances, plays, etc.

Biggest challenge

Emotional frailty

Alarm clock

My alarm clock is Larry who wakes me up at 5:40 every morning.

Perfect day

Wake up early before anyone else, make some coffee, the house is already clean and the clothes are already washed and put away...dinner in the crockpot...beautiful nature out my window...enjoying the rain coming down on a chilly day...reading a book by the fireplace...kids getting along...maybe a glass of wine after dinner...and a funny movie.

First job

Salad girl at Julio's pizza.

Indulgence

Sleeping in on the weekends.

Last purchase

Extra large whole chickens (on sale for 89 cents a pound! A smokin' deal!)

Favorite movie

Mamma Mia because it makes me smile and laugh and feel good each and every time I watch it.  Plus the music rocks.

Inspiration

Everywhere.

My life is...

...at times crazy, lonely, blessed.

Veteran's Day

My dad served in the United States Navy during WWII.  In order to do so he had to drop out of high school after losing both his parents and I believe lied about his age in order to serve since he was only about 16 or 17.

To be fair, he only served at the tail end of the war for about 18 months.

And yet to hear him talk about the war you would have thought he fought on the front lines from day one.  When I see anything associated with the Second World War it is hard to not think of my dad.  I believe it was one of his shining moments in his life.

In fact, I often felt it similar to how people talk about their college days and how great and grand and wonderful college life was.  That is how he sounded when he talked about his stint in the Navy.  He loved it all.  He was proud and young and eager and happy...despite the horribleness of war all around him...these years are marked right up there with the highlights of his life.

He talked often and with whomever would listen to his stories about the war.  I was lucky enough to write many of them down in a scrapbook I worked on years ago (back in Oceanside when he would come over in the morning, I made coffee, took the boys to school, and we would sit with Jennifer and talk and I would write down story after story and ask him question after question...he loved it and I have an album that is FULL of so many wonderful tales) of his life.  

So, in honor of my dad who fought in WWII and every other Veteran out there who with their bravery and duty fought (and fight) to keep this country strong...THANK YOU.

The Christmas Dilemma

I have been a firm believer that less is more.  For as long as we have had kids we have not gone crazy with Christmas gifts for a number of reasons:

1.  I think it is obscene and glutinous to have a million gifts under the tree.
2.  Kids get bored quickly with too many gifts and after a few of them are opened they are dying to play with something but...wait...there is MORE to open!
3.  It teaches them they have to have QUANTITY and LOTS AND LOTS of boxes and toys and gifts in order to be happy and that is the complete and utter opposite I am trying to teach them.
4.  We don't use credit cards and haven't for a VERY long time and therefore our Christmas is paid for in cash so we budget for gifts and try like hell to stick with it.  I don't believe in spending some crazy high dollar amount on gifts.

We decided that we would limit their gifts to three and one that Santa brought.  Period.  (Well, plus the stocking stuffers.)

And I will proudly say that for as long as we made that plan and stuck to it they have not once complained about it.  Between what they received from family, godparents, and friends, it was more than enough (stuff).

In fact, one year when we were in Oceanside and the boys were quite young they really wanted GameBoys but because those were so expensive we decided to buy them each a GameBoy and a game and wrap them separate.  Their "third" gift was a little powered cars we found in the mall one night and thought they would absolutely love them.

Well, on Christmas Eve my brother gave the same exact cars to the boys as gifts! And, sure enough, they loved them!  However, that left a GameBoy, one game, and a car that would only now be viewed as old news on Christmas morning.  I remember Larry and I sitting in bed that night and wondering what the hell we were going to do now since the boys were only going to open basically two gifts from us!

I can still remember that morning.  The boys opened up their GameBoys and jumped up and down.  They plugged in the game and went merrily along.  They didn't care what else they opened (thankfully since there was nothing else).  I remember thinking, "I'll be dammed...that is pretty cool that our kids aren't crying because the gift opening is over after two gifts."

However, kids grow up and with their advancing ages come longer lists and items that cost small fortunes...

Josh wants an Itouch.  Harrison wants a PS3 or whatever new game system is out right now.  And Jennifer wants some giant dog named Biscuit that costs as much as our heating bill.

I told them all that a) you will NOT be getting an ITouch, a PS3, or a giant play dog.  b) you better start brainstorming for items that are much less expensive.  And don't think you can write to Santa, beg and plead, or insist that is all you want because YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.  My favorite part is when one of them will say, "but mom it is ONLY $299".  (Josh is now going to "save" for an ITouch on his own...perfect...how he plans to save all that money when the money he does earn seems to burn a hole in his pocket within seconds on impact, but, whatever.)

One of the things that I have noticed now is how "want-want-want" they get around this time of the year.  Maybe that is normal kid stuff and I'm just a big ole grinch over here trying to steal Christmas from my innocent little children.  But it drives me nuts when they are forever listing these items they want, many of which are either expensive or unnecessary (in my opinion)...for example, Harrison wants an IPod when he already has an MP3 (really son? Why??!)

I am trying hard at trying to instill in my kids that Christmas shouldn't be just about what they GET.  It isn't about a tree that is so full of gifts under it that it is grossly embarrassing.  It should be about traditions and family and giving back too. 

I realize they are just kids and there is my dilemma.  How far do I strip them from Christmas joy in order to instill that getting all they "want" isn't even close to what the holiday is even about?!  I realize they are only kids once and this is what kids do but I guess I'm trying to find a happy medium this holiday.  There will not be any family and any traditions we all carried with us to this east coast life hardly work by ourselves.  However, we are working on coming up with new traditions and rituals that will be special for the five of us.

So, I am trying to come up with some sort of happy medium.

I'm not going to have a Charlie Brown Christmas.  Although I will say that it is a daily struggle even thinking about the holidays.

The kids will have gifts under the tree but not an obscene amount.  

And I have a plan that I am pretty sure I can get the kids behind (they had made the first suggestion...I just took the idea and fleshed it out) that will put the focus LESS on them and all they "want" and more on giving and helping others.  I will let you know the plan once we have had a chance to iron out all the details.

In the meantime I am going to have them refine their gift list further to eliminate all those high priced items (and more just regular stuff) and continue to talk about giving more and wanting less...and coming up with ways to make the holidays merry, despite the loneliness.

Yeah, I Know

We all have those appropriate list of comments we say to other people, don't we?  It isn't that we are being mean or heartless when we say them, but they are a bit molded out of cardboard at times, are they not?  They just happen to be fitting at times when we need that little something to say to someone else.

Hang in there.
Be strong.
I'm here if you need anything.
Let me know if you need anything.
I know exactly what you are going through.
My heart goes out to you.
You will be missed.
Be grateful.
Be thankful.
At least you have your health.

You get the idea.  I hear a lot of them on a regular basis and it isn't that they aren't meaningful when people say them or that they aren't genuinely being kind and thoughtful...I'm sure they are...but I have found myself answering in stock answers that really don't delve any deeper into who I really am than noticing the color of my hair.

In my case, right now and for the purpose of this post, the statements go a little something like this:

"Do you have kids?"
"Yes, three...(and I give ages and grades)."
"How are they liking it here?" (Here is the start of the line of statements...)
"They like it a lot." (Jennifer misses her friends and wants to go to Idaho for her birthday next June so she can celebrate with her friends.  Harrison misses his best friend so much it bums him out to be living here.)
"Well, and once they get involved in things...(do they play sports?) they will start making all kinds of friends."  (Yes, I'm sure they will.)
"And then you will start making friends with the parents of the kids in the same sport or scouting or dance class, etc."  (And, there it is.)
"Uh huh."

And thus ends our conversation.

Something dawned on me yesterday when this conversation took place not once but three times.  How many times have I heard that kids are resilient and they will meet people and they will be fine?  But, don't they have the right to be missing their friends and home too?  Are they supposed to just bounce back and meet good friends and ride the rainbow of utter and true peace and happiness from the very beginning?  I don't think that is realistic.  I'm not saying they are, nor am I endorsing whatsoever, them to become depressed hermits (I've got that role covered) but they are, in their own way, dealing with the challenges that come with a big move just like the rest of us.

The other thing I discovered is that people just assume you will meet people when you get your kids involved.  And, for the most part that is true.  You do meet people that way.  However, a) this is a small town and people know everyone and more than half the people in this town have lived here there entire lives and so they have formed friendships a million years ago.  What does that mean? They aren't necessarily looking to add some woman from the west (Idaho??! Wow, what are you doing in NE PA?) into their circle of friends.  Now, are they ALL like that? No, I'm sure they aren't.  And, let me also be clear here.  The people are FRIENDLY.  Very, very friendly.  Helpful.  Nice.  Thoughtful.  Caring.  Sweet.  But, are they actively looking to bond with new friends? No, not necessarily.  Sure, I've met some neighborhood women but most of them are not really my cup of tea, so to speak.  b) I don't really (truly) WANT to meet anyone (despite my mother's insistence that if I meet a friend all my troubles will disappear). 

Now, I know.  Don't start shaking your head and waging your finger at me via your computer screen and thinking up bad names for me.

It is a catch-22.  I am lonely.  I am missing my home and my family and my friends and my life in Idaho.  And yet, I am sitting here not wanting to meet anyone and the ones I have met are not my cup of tea.  Oh, poor me.  Wah, wah.  Grow up.  Get over yourself.  Put your big girl panties on.  Move on.  Blah, blah, blah.

However, I have been in crowds, in rooms, in kitchens, in a mansion...all full of people...friendly people...people who are nice and talkative and thoughtful...and yet I have never felt more lonely in all my life.  So, I don't believe that just the fact that you have surrounded yourself with warm bodies makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside automatically.

Maybe I'm just a big pain in the ass baby who needs to get over the fact that she now lives in the middle of fucking nowhere in a place that she finds incredibly difficult to call home and is suddenly talking in the third person for no apparent reason.

The funny/ironic part is the women I was talking to who all had similar things to say to me were women on this committee I found myself on and whom I sat across the dining room table on more than a few occasions in the past month.  And they were all telling me to go to my kids school and make friends there.  Go to my son's basketball game and meet the fellow mothers.  Go and find your kids friends and there you will find your newest BFF.  Really?  Okay.  I'm not so sure.

What is wrong with me?

Oh, wait.  Scratch that.  Don't answer.  I already feel like shit.

For starters I am not a very outgoing person and in times like this with a move like this, I wish I were.  I wish I could just get myself out there and blab to this one and that one and inch myself into one circle after another with a bottle of wine and promises of trips to the city and sharing nail polish.  But, I'm not.

I'm also a bit gun shy.  There are some deputes over my ability to be a good friend/daughter/sister/aunt/mother.  What if I just leave more destruction in my wake? Add more names to the growing list of people I have upset, hurt, or pissed off and therefore don't care to ever talk to me again?

And, I don't think I have it in me to give right now.  To be a good friend you need to listen as much as you talk.  You need to genuinely care about the other persons life and share in the good and bad times.  You need to be trustworthy and kind.  And, I'm not sure I have much to offer right now.  I'm tired, emotional, down, sad, lonely, frustrated, bored, restless, unhappy.  Oh yeah, let's get behind this nut-job. 

So, I nod my head when they inform me the best way to meet people and they walk away thinking they have truly helped this woman who is new here find some roots and meet new friends. 

And inside I continue to feel lonelier and lonelier.

In 15 Minutes...

(This is what I call A Slow News Day!)

...Vaudevillian Jack Norworth wrote the song "Take me out to the ball game" during a Manhattan subway ride in 1908.

...The temperature plummeted from 55 degrees at 7am to 8 degrees at 7:15am in Rapid City, South Dakota, on January 10, 1911...the fastest drop on record in the United States.

...About 117 children are born in the United States.

...Your eyes blink about 250 times.  But that number can increase to between 400 and 750 times when you're excited.  People blink the most when they're on a date, speaking in public, or lying.

...An estimated 625 million e-mail messages are sent worldwide.  About 419 million of those e-mails, or 67 percent, are spam.

...A total of 9,584,685 M&M candies roll off the production lines at the two M&M factories, in Hackettstown, NJ, and Cleveland, TN.

...The United States government takes in about $457 million in taxes and other revenues and spends $469 million.

...A monarch butterfly travels about one mile during its biannual migration.

Another Bad Mother Moment

I may have to turn in one of my large golden statue Best Mom Award's that I have piling up on shelves all over the house.

Oh wait.

I was caught giving my children cold cereal for five straight days.  And, after they seemed to not care that they were wearing the same ("but mom, these socks are so comfortable") socks for four straight days and I told them they can just wear ALL dirty clothes because I won't wash them anymore (and please, the kids have more socks that will fit in their drawers!).

Maybe owning the award was a just a dream...

For about a month now Josh has been the official "photographer" for his high school's drama performance.  His English teacher...who he also sees at church and lives nearby (this is a small town)...is a delightful and fun teacher who has called me on a regular basis inviting me to events she has at her house as well as to chat about my son's reading abilities.  When Josh told her one day in class that his parents were photographers (huh?) and that he loves photography (he does?) and that he would be interested in the job taking pictures of the play, she said he was hired.

Which also caused me some anxiety (okay, not just some but a lot) because the boy doesn't own a camera which meant he had to use mine.  Can you say: UGH.  But, I felt that I would at least give him the opportunity to be responsible.  I also told him that I have had this several-hundred dollar camera since January of 2004 and I had no intention of replacing it anytime soon nor does he have the means to replace it for me so he better pay attention to what he is doing!

Okay.

The job required him to capture every single event relating to the play: try-outs, rehearsals, make-up tests, lighting, dancing, dress rehearsals, and everything else in between. 

I think he loves being apart of something without the bigger commitment of actually having to act on a stage in front of people.  It has enabled him to meet people and feel he has something important to do.  I felt it was a great way for him to get involved and keep busy.  Win-win.

He has had to stay after school, come in after dinner, on weekends, and so on...all to capture shots.  Later he will have to have them developed (well, I will) and put them all in a slide-in scrapbook (yep, you guessed it).

A few times he had his English teacher drive him home...she has to pass our house to get to her own home...but he was sometimes embarrassed.  Normally he did one of two things: 1) call and tell me it is time for someone to come and pick him up; 2) tell me ahead of time what time they would be done.

Yesterday.

I show up after school to pick him up because he said they weren't starting until 4:15 (he was going to come home for a little while).  When I got there he said everyone was staying and there was the lighting guys showing him technique and could he stay and just bring the camera back then.  Okay.  At 4:15 Larry drops off the camera and away he goes.

I asked Larry what time he needed to be picked up.  He said Josh didn't mention.  I said he didn't mention it to me either.  We both figured Josh would call when they are finished.

6pm.  We eat dinner and I put a bowl aside for him.

6:30pm.  No phone call yet.

7pm.  I'm getting that worried feeling.  You know that irrational gut instinct that something seems odd?  But, he has ALWAYS called before when he needs to be picked up so I held tight.

7:30pm.  I told Larry that I couldn't take it anymore.  How late where they keeping these kids?! My God! So Larry went up to the high school to check things out and see how much longer they were going to be.

Apparently, the rehearsals ended at 6:30.  Apparently, Josh told us this.  And he was left there by himself for over an hour.

O.M.G.

WHAT?!?

Josh is insisting that he told me.  Excuse me?  NO.  Absolutely, 100% negative.  If he had told me they were finished at 6:30 I would have been there at 6:30 PERIOD.  Then, he says well, maybe he told dad what time when he dropped off the camera.  No.  Larry says he didn't say anything about what time it ended.

Now, for those of you who say: what about a cell phone?  No, my son does not have a cell phone.  And no I don't intend to get him one even after this ordeal.  Cell phone reception doesn't work on school grounds.  He was stuck.  Sitting in the cafeteria with the janitors.

O.M.G.

I can't tell you how I felt.  My stomach was in knots.  And after I finished explaining to him that he did not tell me the time nor would I EVER forget to pick him up, I sat down and cried.  The thought that my child was sitting at the school by himself with no way to get a hold of anyone completely freaked me out.  It took me over an hour to get my nerves to settle down and to stop shaking.

What made me laugh was the photos he took at the end of the days shots...he said he was bored and just started snapping photos of the clock/time and the darkness outside.  Nice.

Go ahead, take the award away.  Ugh.

Credit Cards

I am so tired of hearing all the bullshit about credit cards.

I personally do not have any credit cards.  I don't miss them. I don't use them.  I don't need them.  I like to think that I live by the mantra, "if I can't afford to pay cash for this or that then I shouldn't be buying it." 

(And don't feed me the line about the bonus points you earn...I have only a debit card and I earn bonus points for travel miles and anything else...)

On the news there has been non-stop coverage over the bank bailout and the banks raising interest rates to astronomical numbers.  It is crazy.  And yet, I can't help but think...

...STOP USING CREDIT CARDS!!

Can it really be all that simple? What has happened to everyone? We gotta have what we want RIGHT NOW despite what it costs or what it will cost us by the time we pay down those credit cards.  We gotta have the dinners out, the new clothes, the trips, and of course all that STUFF.  Oh sure, there are those of you who pay off your balance at the end of every month...but the majority of people out there don't/can't do this.

Along the same lines with the credit card troubles is the discussion about credit scores and how cutting up your cards ruins your credit score.  I think I twitch a little bit every time I hear this statement.  Okay, look, I'm all for a super sparkly clean credit score.  It will get you great rates on that brand new car you desire.  Or, a super duper rate on your mortgage.  Or, it makes you hold your head higher because, dammit, your credit score is above 700.  Let's hire the military for a 21-gun salute the next time you need to sign loan papers.

I worked in banking at the very beginning of credit scores.  In fact, I remember the total confusion and uncomfortableness when trying to EXPLAIN how the whole credit score thing works to countless customers staring at me with a cross between utter confusion and complete anger.  Years later I underwrote real estate loans and I would fight to the death over an applicant that had money in savings and NO credit cards (therefore his/her score was lower than their credit card whore counterpart) than the person who had a million...some with balances, some without...and in most cases I got each and every one of those loans approved.  Can I say they are all still noble homeowners? I don't know.  But, can I say that all the people with their perfect credit scores and wallets full of credit cards aren't losing their homes alongside the rest of the country in this economy?  Exactly.  I have always believed that a true test of someones worthiness lied in their ability to SAVE MONEY and not buy a bunch of shit they didn't need because obviously they couldn't afford it because if they did they would have just used cash instead of their credit cards.  Whew.

When I was an underwriter, I looked more at their stability in home and work.  The money they had saved...and less on their ability to accumulate credit cards and "learn" how to pay them off each month (which rarely happened...in fact, we rarely made "debt consolidation" loans because in 99% of the cases, the people went back and charged debt right back up again).  I realize I have been out of banking for over a decade and things change but I remain firm in my belief that credit cards are nothing but a pain in the ass.  So what if you have an excellent credit score but you are paying through the roof in interest rates. Hmmmmm.  Okay, and that is smart, how?  So what if you  have to wait a few months for that THING you must have instead of pulling out some plastic from your wallet so you can have it now. 

You want to stop paying all those high interest rates? You want to stop bitching about how the banks received all that money in bailout only to turn around and charge you triple in interest rates? THEN STOP USING CREDIT CARDS.  Pay cash. 

What a novel idea...and very, very retro.

Hot Apple Pie

Here is an excerpt from the book, "Money, a Memoir: Women, Emotions, and Cash" by Liz Perle.  I love this quote a lot.  It sorta says the things that I feel down deep under all the layers of stress, change, routine, and pressure.

"As long as I had believed that financial security purchased emotional security, I'd lived a dependent, conditional life.  Now I realize that rather than mortgage myself for a dream life on a layaway plan, I prefer the rather nice kind of life I've stumbled into.  My desire for a double oven has less to do with signaling that I belong to a certain class or have reached a type of perfection and more to do with the fact that I haven't figured out how to make a pot roast and an apple pie at the same time.  So I make the pie ahead of time and reheat it.  I think it was Mark Twain who said, "Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want." I tell my kids this, hoping they will learn to balance the act of pursuing with the act of savoring."

Real Life

I've had these questions in my notes for a long time and time is now to get them answered so I can throw the piece of paper away...

1.  What did you want to be when you were little?

Publicly I wanted to be either a teacher or a stewardess (wasn't that the only jobs besides nurse that women could do? Hey, I grew up in the 70s, what did I know?).  Personally, I wanted to be a writer because that is what made my heart sing but sadly, no one got that about me, including myself.

2.  What's the one thing you'll never understand?

How boys can't aim their junk INTO the toilet bowl instead of everywhere but.  I don't see the difficulty in mastering this simple skill. Are they just lazy, dumb, distracted by their junk, or incredibly challenged?

3.  What surprises you most about your adult life?

How staying up late and eating candy for dinner isn't what it was all cracked up to be.  And, I'm way more tired and exhausted than I thought possible.

4.  What's your idea of a perfect meal?

A mound of Thai food that I don't have to share with anyone...mmmm, Pad Thai....

5.  What's the craziest fashion trend or hairstyle you've worn?

I have one for each.  The craziest fashion trend would be a pair of yellow flats that I wore with everything and for some reason those damn shoes went with EVERYTHING! As for hairstyles, I guess the permed/teased mess of the 80s when bigger was better!!

6.  What amount of money would make you feel you were set for life?

I don't think any amount of money would make me feel set for life because once you get a little bit you want more.  We are a culture that is never satisfied, we are always wanting more (you won't ever find me "praying to win the lottery!").  My answer to this would be: I would want enough so I didn't have any bills...no mortgage...enough to support my children through college and enough to do the things that I would like to do: travel, hobbies, dinners out, etc.  And then enough to be able to help people each and every month with their utility bills they can't pay or medical bills that parents can't pay or college tuition that makes going to college impossible for some kids, etc.  I don't need the fancy car or the big house or anything else.  Just a life that is paid for and can be enjoyed simply with the ability to help other people...would be plenty.