ID TO PA

Live And Learn

Something Larry and I do often is discuss all kinds of past stuff.  Not in a hostile, depressing way nor in a finger pointing way, but more in a live and learn kind of way.

The only thing I can take away from the past three years are lessons of errors that hopefully we never make again.  It has been a very long three years and with the glorious benefit of hindsight we can both see so damn clearly!

We sat at the table for a long time after breakfast on Sunday just talking about our stint in Pennsylvania and ALL the decisions we made that lead us down that path.  Some people may argue that we need to just "move on" but honestly, this is OUR way of doing exactly that.  We both find it therapeutic to sit back, reflect, and rehash what we should have done or what was really a bad decision or "WHAT IN THE HELL WERE WE THINKING??!"

I hope that this knowledge from the errors we made will come in handy at some point down the road.  Maybe our children will be in a similar situation and we can at least share what we should have done or what we wouldn't have done or how to step back from a situation and THINK from ALL angles (angles that were not all that clear at the time!)

There were many missteps on both our parts.  Unfortunately, those missteps came at a very high price, literally and figuratively, and it will probably take us twice as long to rebound completely.  What we lost financially over the past three years was a HUGE setback.  However, we made the decisions, we paid the price, and now we look forward and rebuild, albeit slowly, together...and in the meantime we ENJOY OUR LIFE and savor the simple things and work hard and take pride in our home and thank God.

It's crazy to admit that I enjoy sitting across the table from my husband and rehashing and discussing the horrors of the past three years (the good stuff too).  I like being able to get it out.  I like that this is something that only the two of us really understand and grasp.  I like that I can talk about a place on some road back east and he knows what I'm talking about.

At the end of the day, what done is done, and as I had thought long ago...we would look back on our time in Pennsylvania and chuckle, and cry, and shake our heads, and wonder why, and wish we could turn back the clock and shake our younger selves (maybe slap).  I'm happy for today...things may not be picture perfect...but who has a picture perfect life anyway? We are together, he is working a few miles from home, we are all healthy and intact.  Do I dare say we are blessed?

 

Three Years Ago

Three years ago today my husband was laid off from his job at KrunchKracker.  He started his new job here in town last week...almost three years exactly to the day.

There has been so much change from three years ago to today and yet here we all are, back under the same roof we built seven years ago, seemingly unscathed.  (Cough.) Excuse me, I think I just choked on my coffee.

Three years ago today my husband walked out of the KrunchKracker building with a box in his hands and drove home.  That night we went out to see Mamma Mia and I spent half the movie crying (and not over Colin Firth's sexual preferences).  I was scared, unsure, and frustrated.  While it didn't take him long to find work, that work was all the way on the east coast and the wheels had begun and set in motion that would take three years to park back here in our little corner of Idaho.

Sigh.

Believe me, I don't dwell on his stint at KrunchKracker or wonder why or shake my fists in the air at imaginary meanies who made my world an ugly and dark place for entirely too long.  Instead, I sit here and marvel that three years have gone by in a blink of an eye and we have traveled the United States four times between the two of us.

And now we move forward.  We move on.  We put KrunchKracker behind us and shut the door and enjoy the cool breeze coming from that open window...

 

Plan Q

Larry and I are big on goals.  Short term goals, long term goals, big goals, small goals, family goals, career goals.

When we decided to move back to Idaho back in May 2010 our first goal was for us all to come home together...and stay (which meant Larry securing a job by late July).  Well, that didn't happen.  Our next goal was by early fall.  A couple of months in Pennsylvania and then home he will come.  Yeah, that didn't happen either and so our next goal was by year end and we all know how sure I felt that THAT goal was going to come to fruition.

So, the next goal we decided upon in January was summer.  Or, more specifically the BEGINNING of summer.  Somewhere around the end of April we moved that goal towards the END of summer.

Sigh.

Of course, we had been telling the kids that dad would be home by summer and as we got closer and closer to summer I began to get nervous over how excited the kids were getting...especially when the job-front didn't seem to be any different than the year prior.  I had put a widget on my phone counting down the days until August 1st and Harrison spotted that on my phone awhile ago and said, "Dad is coming home in 65 days?!?"  (For the record, that widget for Larry to come home is still on my phone and currently says "20 days".)  I just redirected his attention without answering the question (mom of the year, right here folks!)

I'm still sort of shocked that our Plan Q has finally (finally!!) happened.  Many months after I thought it would happen but still a good 20 days before I had to reevaluate yet another short term goal.

LARRY RETURNS

This crazy man left Saturday morning in northeast Pennsylvania and arrived home late Sunday evening and still managed to be up and functioning the next day (4th of July) to BBQ.  He wanted to just be home and because he was by himself he felt he could push himself and do it.

The minute he pulled into the driveway I was sitting on the couch reading and was startled when I heard the kids all barrelling down the stairs! "HE'S HOME!" "DAD'S HERE!!!"

How glorious.  Really.

And for now, we simply enjoy the fact that we are all under one roof, together as a family, at last.

 

Waiting...

My stomach is in knots, I can't concentrate enough to read (especially since I just started a new book), there is nothing on television, and the house is spotless and clean and there isn't anything else to dust or tidy.  Tick tock.  And I am restless.

Larry should be pulling in any minute.  Or, at least within the next 90 minutes.

I'm not sure the whole story behind this rambo-themed drive of his.  The initial plan was Iowa, Wyoming, and home.  Three solid days.  He left Pennsylvania yesterday morning.  I'm not even sure he stayed in a hotel.  I think he slept for a few hours and powered through another long day of driving.  Yesterday he arrived at his Iowa destination around 5pm and felt there were still hours and hours of daylight left and he wasn't tired...so he kept going until 11pm...and landed in Nebraska!  I was worried sick.  This morning I got a text at 2:30 my time saying that he was well on his way heading towards Wyoming before noon.

We ate dinner early, cleaned the house, did a few loads of laundry, ran to the store for some last minute stuff for tomorrow, I made risotto for dinner, took the kids to the pool...and the day just seems to be going so slowly.  We are all excited and anxious.

It's hard to believe that it is all actually happening.  So relieved.  So happy.  So calm...well, I WILL be so calm once he finally gets here. Worrying about him on the road is giving me an ulcer.

Closing Another Chapter

Yesterday was Larry's last day at UPS.  He called me after his boss let him go a bit earlier in the day because he knew he had a lot to do before leaving this morning, heading west.

There is no question that I am over the moon (as are the children.  They have been wound up and spinning for days now!) and I can hardly wait for him to get home safely.  However, there is a bit of sadness for me when a chapter closes, despite the challenges and despite the overall good that is coming from him being HOME AGAIN.

UPS was a really great company and he worked with people he liked and the benefits and perks that went with that job were amazing.  Not to mention he was doing a job that he was excited about and that provided good challenges.  In another words: he loved his job.

 
My stomach is in knots.  Not from all this being bad but because it is more change and while the change is beyond good and truly the best, I am nervous about him driving all this way alone, I'm nervous about this new job and hope that it is as rewarding and challenging as the one at UPS.

His co-workers and bosses gave him a going away party on Wednesday with food and a cake and a really nice card wishing him well.  I think they even gave him a t-shirt with a Pennsylvania sports team logo so he will always remember them in the northeast.  They are all sad to see him go but understand his desire to get back to his family here in Idaho. 

After he left work for the last time in Pennsylvania Friday afternoon he set out to find a few last minute items I requested he bring home with him and that required that he walk back into the grocery store in Moscow where we spent thirteen months.  He said it was kinda strange to be back in Moscow driving around and knowing that within 24 hours he will be heading out of a place that he called home for almost 3 years.

It all makes me melancholy and a bit sad but not necessarily an unhappy sad.  Just a sad emotion that I will feel for a few days and then when he walks through the doors and begins a new job a week later I will be feeling better.

By now he is probably almost to the Pennsylvania/Ohio border on his way to the Illinois/Iowa border for his first night.  His lofty goal to make it here in as few days as possible also leaves me a bit uneasy and nervous.  I'm praying that all goes well for him on the road.

In the meantime, we are anxiously awaiting this new chapter to begin in our lives.  A fresh page.  A sharpened pencil.  A new story.

Turning the page...