Creative Juices

I'm Ready, I Think

When we moved back it took several weeks to even GET to the boxes that were piled high in this office of mine.  I was and am frustrated with my overwhelming feelings about organizing this room because before we left I felt my space was a well-oiled machine.  Dammit.

This morning as I was standing in the shower I made a decision.  A quiet one where no one could hear me, but a decision nonetheless.  This weekend I will get to organizing once and for all (seriously, once and for all, Gawd I'm tired of packing my shit up) the scrapbooking element of my office.  Some of the stuff are naturally (still) organized like buttons, alphabet letters, colored containers, fabric, ribbons (mainly because I left the stuff already in the drawers when we moved).

However, I walked in here this morning to get started on my work and felt overwhelmed and instantly exhausted by the pile in the corner that has been sitting there since September.  I know what needs to be done, as I have organized scrapbooking spaces and product and photos a million times, but I suddenly don't feel I have the proper ENERGY needed to accomplish the dreaded feat.

But I'd like to get back to some degree of scrapbooking.  As I had mentioned in my Debbie Downer Does Not Smile post a week or so ago, I will never get to where I once was and I am completely and totally fine with that...what I'm looking for right now is to scrapbook my everyday before the memories and thoughts leave me.  Suddenly I realize how fast time is going.  How big my kids are getting.  How Josh only has only two more years of high school.  How Jennifer has only one more year left of elementary school.  Holy Crap, Time! Slow Down!!!  And that was when I realized that I have been missing all those little moments I truly DO WANT to capture in the life of my family before it's too late.

That was the thought that made me WANT to get in here and get my stuff organized.

Last Friday Corinna stopped by for some wine and we had mildly (and weakly) entertained scrapbooking for an hour or so.  I walked into my room and thought, "what would I work on if we were to scrapbook tonight?" And I was lost in a pile of overwhelming gobbly-gook.  I had no friggin idea.  I opened the closet and was faced with totes and piles and half-finished layouts that I began in Pennsylvania almost a year ago.  I opened the drawers of the cabinet in here and quickly shut them because they were stuffed with a little bit of this and a hell of a lot of that. 

And I don't even really know where I'm at with my photos, where I left off, what still needs to be uploaded and ordered.  For the first time since I began this craft thirteen years ago I am unaware, unorganized, unmotivated, and far from where I'd at least like to be today.

Photos.  That is the place I plan to start.  I want to get my photos uploaded.  I want to see where I left off in my day-to-day layouts.  Start listing what photos need to be ordered over time.  Familiarize myself with the completed layouts that are either: a) ready to go into an album; or b) needing journaling to complete them.

Paper.  Every time Corinna walks into my office she comments about the six standing totes full of paper.  "Is this ALL your paper?"  (As if hundreds of sheets of pattern paper and cardstock occupying SIX totes on top of my dresser is NOT enough.  Insert laugh.)  For the record: no, it is not all my paper, which is what I tell her every time.  The rest of the paper sits in further totes in the closet.  I knew when we were packing up on the east coast that I was going to hate myself in the morning over how I treated the paper.  And I do.  It's everywhere.

Drawers.  Lord help me.  The drawers, while in Pennsylvania, had distinct purposes.  I had them filled with ribbons, fabric, containers by color full of embellishments, foam stamps, alphabet stickers, scrap paper, and over-sized embellishments.  Today only about half are still in the original organized state.  The others are filled with adhesive, maps from our journey east and west, half-completed albums, packets of photos, rub-ons, unopened frames, newspapers.  Ugh.

Closet.  While the closet looks organized it is FULL of stuff that I need to simply go through and reaquaint myself more than anything else.  I have ZERO idea of where I even left off.  I need to touch the completed and half-completed layouts.  I need to go over the photos.  I need to tidy and refresh.

Pile in corner.  The worst.  Full of more maps, sketch idea books, stamps, ink pads, pens, totes that I have taken to scrapbook months and months ago...all left completely untouched, slide-in albums for pages I want to get to, and a whole lot of shit I need to sort through and put away and find homes for.

Stamps.  I just barely untaped the drawers to my stamps from when we moved it in July.  I need to go through them, sort, clean out, and determine which ones I want in the three tiered bowl thing I have sitting on top of the dresser.

Labeling and fine tuning.  The totes on top of the entertainment center needs to be labeled so I know what is up there without getting on the step stool to see it.  I need to figure out a better solution for my monthly bags that are half in a cabinet and half in a basket on the floor.  I need to utilize the green totes I have sitting on the shelves above me that are co-exist with all my writing files and books.

I'm hoping this weekend to once and for all get to the scrapbooking part of my office so when we do finally get back to weekly scrapbooking I can at least be prepared and not as overwhelmed.  I thought spending three full days with the hope and idea of organizing my scrapbooking stuff will help get the motivation and energy where they need to be.  Fingers crossed.  I'll share photos when I'm all finished...

Freedom

 

I've made it back to the land of the reading.  Can I get a little, "Alleluia!"

I wouldn't normally think of myself as an on-again, off-again reader.  My husband is that kind of reader...he'll read twenty books one month and then won't pick up another book for six months.  I prefer the slow and steady kind of reading...never being without a book to read.

However, somewhere around the time we decided to add more stress to our lives and move our family, sans one important dude, back to the land of the wild-wild west, I have struggled with the reading bug.

I read one book as we made the trek across the country and I read one book for our book club back in September and, well, that was it.  I even sat and watched my mom for six weeks from late August until early October read book after book with lightening speed and even that didn't jump start my desire to read.

It's a funny thing when you are out of reading for awhile.  Suddenly, it becomes imperative that you pick the RIGHT book to get back into the water with.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I started one book I thought I was really excited to read but couldn't get very far.  Then, I thought Potter would do the trick but the same thing happened.  I saw the book sitting there day after day, week after week and I never felt the urge to just sit and pick it up and get lost...

So frustrating. 

Then it sorta hit me.  Not in any earth-shattering, life-altering, Oprah-channeling-A-Ha moment but a soft hit.  A tap, if you will.  A toddler tossing a bright orange ball in your direction kinda hit.

Oh.  You mean I could just read?

Like, pick up a book, any book, and rrrreeeaaaadddd the letters that form words that form a plot?

What a novel idea.

I guess I let go trying to find the ideal book.  I prefer a wide array of book genres: mystery, thriller, ghost/witches (although admittedly I'm SO TIRED of the whole vampire thing.  Thanks Stephanie for fucking THAT up for me), western, historical and so on.  I'm not a fan of romance, as I've said over and over because romance on its own kinda bores me, no offense, and the chick-lit is only a step above plain ole romance.

Bottom Line: even though I love a super wide variety of books and authors and genres, I do hinder myself in some degree, by insisting I find the perfect book.  A book with a billion stars.  If I'm going to read, dammit, I want it to be good.  THAT is what I let go of.  A couple of weeks ago I picked a book to read because it sounded interesting.  Was it the end all of all books? Oh, Gawd no.  Was it anything more than three stars? No.  Did it keep me on the edge of my seat turning each page with rapid succession, heart beating, palms sweaty with anticipation? No.  But, you know what? That's okay.  I do love a fantastic twist in stories and I award more stars if I'm truly surprised by plot development.  But the book I read I was happy to be reading, I enjoyed the characters and dialogue, and the plot was interesting enough.

And I read it.  And immediately reached for another.  I would probably classify them both along the "chick-lit" genre and while they didn't knock the socks off me, I truly enjoyed both books.  Right now I'm reading a true old-fashioned mystery set in London in 1855 with a good ole master inspector and it is fun and enjoyable.

Last night I went upstairs to my loft-turned-library and reached for a handful of books...with absolutely no rhyme or reason, and made a stack of books that I just simply want to read.  They run the gamut from thriller to mystery to chick-lit to historical fiction to Potter to some good ole ghosts-a-la-Anne-Rice.

And I'm happy again.  Reading just what I want to read.  A little bit of this and a little bit of that but mainly what makes me happy at the moment.  They may not be the most earth shattering, twist laden books I've ever picked up, but I'm relishing in the light of freedom...

Reflections From Live! With My Pen And File Folders...

 

I had a pretty good day yesterday.  I was anxious to get going.  I felt, at times, frozen at the keyboard.  My brain went in and out of necessary (and required) thought processes.  My hands were jittery (okay, that might have been the coffee).  I was excited and nervous and fought back the thought, "Can I really do this?" and "Who the hell am I kidding?"

In the end, I did put too much on my to-do list, as I had suspected I might have.  All in all, not a bad day, productively speaking.

I did compile some research for my Native American piece.
I made notes on three separate article pieces.
I updated two of the three blogs.
I researched magazines for the query I wanted to write.
And, most importantly, I wrote and submitted a query to a fairly big magazine.

That big magazine might be a long shot, but you never know.

One of the books I have read from a well-known, money making writer in the industry (and not from the typical fiction book author popularity.  This guy is more a writers writer) is to look at various different avenues in terms of where to send your writing and where to make a buck or two.  He also broke down a way to make six figures in writing.  I decided to half that and start there.  Again, I don't have a problem with striving for the best and reaching for the stars but I also don't want to shoot my foot off or get discouraged right out of the gate.  Bottom line is my "goal" is to "make" $200 a day.  Now, that doesn't mean that a check magically appears in my mailbox on a daily basis, although I am not saying I wouldn't be thrilled with THAT happening, but moreover it means that I submit material and work on pieces that COULD bring at least $200 a day.

For example, if I query a magazine who will pay $25 for a piece I need to continue submitting more material, either by query or finished manuscript, to as many other publications to bring me up to that $200 mark.  So, in essence, if all of them said yes for the day I COULD (eventually) make $200 for a days work.  Make sense?

By yesterdays standards I could sit and rest for the remainder of the week because the magazine pays just over $1200 for the article I pitched.  However, I marked it down on a form I devised to keep me focused, and will move on today.

From today forward my to-do list will no longer be a to-do list.  It will be forever known as a Daily Action Plan (which I date, cross off...or not...and put into one of my notebooks separated by monthly tabs...simply for my own satisfaction and future reflection).

So, today's Daily Action Plan consists of more realistic (I hope, if not, tomorrow will be revised again) tasks, broken down into doable parts:

1.  Research 2-3 other markets to sell the piece I pitched yesterday to the big dogs.
2.  Tweak the query letter written yesterday to fit the 2-3 different magazines, tailoring to each.
3.  Email the 2-3 query letters.
4.  Research markets for two separate articles (that I fleshed out and worked on yesterday).
5.  Research facts and information regarding a VERY time sensitive piece on its 100th anniversary later this year.
6.  Write a query letter to a local publication regarding this 100th anniversary.

At times I struggled to get going yesterday.  I fought the urge to fold laundry that was coming out of the dryer.  I fought the urge to get caught up in morning television.  I fought the urge to go and sit on the couch and read my book.  It was hard.  And by about 1:30 p.m. my head was about to explode and I was exhausted.

This morning, due to a late start at the schools, I had a few extra minutes and managed to already cross off #1 before I even finished my first cup of coffee or left to do my crossing guard job.  I like getting a little head start.

So, here I go...day two.

Going Live

So, today is the day.

The day I Go Live.

Basically, it is the day that I stop organizing, stop thinking about, stop preparing, and stop procrastinating...and start writing.  Start sending out queries.  Start researching. 

I have been writing for more than 30 years.  Little stories here.  Little one line sentences there.  Notebooks upon notebooks filled with snippets of thoughts, ideas, outlines.  I have completed manuscripts, chapter by chapter outlines on SEVERAL novels, completed articles and dozens of short stories.  I have lists, character sketches, research notes, millions of ideas, sample copies of magazines, and spiral notebooks jammed with every thought and possible article ideas from A to Z.

And it was overwhelming.

For years and years AND YEARS I have struggled with what to do with it all.  I know that will sound surprising to some that know me and how much I like to organize, and I do, but for whatever reason the YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS of PAPERWORK ALL RELATING TO MY WRITING for more than three decades, began to overwhelm me to the point that I couldn't come up with a plan that worked to keep everything organized to the point where I could function, write, and exist among my writing papers.

I tried so many ideas I can't even begin to list them all.  In fact, I came across several sheets of paper outlining my "plan" to control the flow of ideas and in the end, none of them really worked.

In the past I simply kept my writing in a filing cabinet that didn't open properly and drove me crazy.  Or, they were in a box, in a closet, or shoved here and there.  However, while everything was more or less labeled and "put away" it wasn't functioning.  And in order to successfully write, it needs to be FUNCTIONING.

I also need everything to be in order.  This has been part of my being for as long as I can remember.  Things just need to be put in the RIGHT place, organized, and neat...truly neat...in order for me to tap into my creative side.  Right or wrong, this is just how my brain operates.

Which brings me to the past month.  I felt for the first time I set realistic goals for myself.  Around mid-December I decided I needed to get my writing in true order.  A functioning, organized, WORKABLE order.  However, I also knew that the holidays were in a few days, my mom was arriving shortly after, and Larry after that.  So, I made myself a goal of February first to have EVERYTHING organized and functioning.

And guess what?  IT IS.

I read a couple of books and many of my own notes I've gathered over the years and came up with a master to-do list which I printed out and worked at crossing off.  Every day, except for those super bad days I seem to have often (which is a whole other topic for another day), I came in here and worked my papers.

This is also the very first time that everything seems to click.  My system makes so much sense and my files are within reach, organized easily, and manageable to maintain.  Everyday I will make a daily "Action Plan" and work hard to see that I get it all done.

In the past I have focused primarily on novels and non-fiction books...and while I still will in a less direct way...I am now putting about 90% of my focus on articles.  Why?  Well, a couple of reasons.  1) Novels and non-fiction books take a very long time to write and even longer to get sold, if at all.  I'm not by any means dismissing my desire to work on novels and non-fiction books...quite the opposite...and with my new "system" I can EASILY work on novels and non-fiction books without really "working" on them at all.  Bottom line, novel/book work takes months and months and sometimes years without much in return which I have found to be a little difficult on my self-esteem and energy/determination levels.  2)  Articles are fast, usually you hear from an editor within a week, maybe a month after you send a query and I can write a rough article in a day.  3) I can also see more or less immediate gratification too in terms of bylines and paychecks, and let's face it, I like the idea of both of those and I get there faster through article writing.

Over the past month I have made file folders, color coded, for every idea (I still have spiral notebooks, neatly stored and within easy reach, FULL of ideas that I decided I could get to during a down moment watching a movie, etc...but for now, I am satisfied with the hundred+ file folders) from articles, ideas that need research, ideas to work on immediately, novels, and non-fiction books.  

I put all my old articles and short stories that I am not going to rework right now, or ever, and put them in page protectors in labeled notebooks.  I worked on ideas, outlines, and notes for almost every idea I created a file folder for.  I went over sample magazines for ideas to pitch.  I created a master Writing Capital Inventory giving every file folder a title, a symbol, and a brief description of where I'm at in the process of the idea.  I created a new blog notebook.  I created a clip file.  I printed out submission tracking forms.  I poured over ideas to target based on creative ideas that are time sensitive.  I poured over many spiral notebooks gathering long lost ideas.  I dealt with misc. piles and stuff that have been homeless for a long, long time.  I put all my resume work into a notebook.  I created slag files.  I created an inbox and tax envelopes for 2011.

And last night I created my To-Do/Action Plan list for my first day at work today.  My list looks a little something like this:

Write query for a piece that I have already outlined
Research notes for a Native American Festival
Outline an article for a time-sensitive piece
Outline an article that is about half finished
Write query for a piece that I already have written
Research notes for a time-sensitive anniversary piece
Update blogs

It might be too much to do today, I'm not sure, and if it is I'll adjust my Action Plan for tomorrow. My day will begin at 5 a.m. and I plan to write for 90 minutes.  Shower and get ready at 6:30 a.m. and begin the taking-children-to-school journey.  Exercise, prep dinner, straighten house, and do my "crossing guard job" until 9:05 a.m.  I will come in here after that and work all morning and half the afternoon, until 2:30 p.m. when I begin the picking-children-up-from-school journey and ends with my "crossing guard job" at 4 p.m.  Dinner, homework, house issues, and so on and I will hope to be back in the office for an hour, maybe as much as two or three in the early evenings after dinner.  Bottom line: I plan to work a minimum of eight hours a day writing.

And now, I write.  And query.  And research.  I love my job already.  I've never been so excited to get up and get in here as I have been over the past month.  A good sign.

Wish me luck...