Rough Draft

Another Bad Mother Moment

I may have to turn in one of my large golden statue Best Mom Award's that I have piling up on shelves all over the house.

Oh wait.

I was caught giving my children cold cereal for five straight days.  And, after they seemed to not care that they were wearing the same ("but mom, these socks are so comfortable") socks for four straight days and I told them they can just wear ALL dirty clothes because I won't wash them anymore (and please, the kids have more socks that will fit in their drawers!).

Maybe owning the award was a just a dream...

For about a month now Josh has been the official "photographer" for his high school's drama performance.  His English teacher...who he also sees at church and lives nearby (this is a small town)...is a delightful and fun teacher who has called me on a regular basis inviting me to events she has at her house as well as to chat about my son's reading abilities.  When Josh told her one day in class that his parents were photographers (huh?) and that he loves photography (he does?) and that he would be interested in the job taking pictures of the play, she said he was hired.

Which also caused me some anxiety (okay, not just some but a lot) because the boy doesn't own a camera which meant he had to use mine.  Can you say: UGH.  But, I felt that I would at least give him the opportunity to be responsible.  I also told him that I have had this several-hundred dollar camera since January of 2004 and I had no intention of replacing it anytime soon nor does he have the means to replace it for me so he better pay attention to what he is doing!

Okay.

The job required him to capture every single event relating to the play: try-outs, rehearsals, make-up tests, lighting, dancing, dress rehearsals, and everything else in between. 

I think he loves being apart of something without the bigger commitment of actually having to act on a stage in front of people.  It has enabled him to meet people and feel he has something important to do.  I felt it was a great way for him to get involved and keep busy.  Win-win.

He has had to stay after school, come in after dinner, on weekends, and so on...all to capture shots.  Later he will have to have them developed (well, I will) and put them all in a slide-in scrapbook (yep, you guessed it).

A few times he had his English teacher drive him home...she has to pass our house to get to her own home...but he was sometimes embarrassed.  Normally he did one of two things: 1) call and tell me it is time for someone to come and pick him up; 2) tell me ahead of time what time they would be done.

Yesterday.

I show up after school to pick him up because he said they weren't starting until 4:15 (he was going to come home for a little while).  When I got there he said everyone was staying and there was the lighting guys showing him technique and could he stay and just bring the camera back then.  Okay.  At 4:15 Larry drops off the camera and away he goes.

I asked Larry what time he needed to be picked up.  He said Josh didn't mention.  I said he didn't mention it to me either.  We both figured Josh would call when they are finished.

6pm.  We eat dinner and I put a bowl aside for him.

6:30pm.  No phone call yet.

7pm.  I'm getting that worried feeling.  You know that irrational gut instinct that something seems odd?  But, he has ALWAYS called before when he needs to be picked up so I held tight.

7:30pm.  I told Larry that I couldn't take it anymore.  How late where they keeping these kids?! My God! So Larry went up to the high school to check things out and see how much longer they were going to be.

Apparently, the rehearsals ended at 6:30.  Apparently, Josh told us this.  And he was left there by himself for over an hour.

O.M.G.

WHAT?!?

Josh is insisting that he told me.  Excuse me?  NO.  Absolutely, 100% negative.  If he had told me they were finished at 6:30 I would have been there at 6:30 PERIOD.  Then, he says well, maybe he told dad what time when he dropped off the camera.  No.  Larry says he didn't say anything about what time it ended.

Now, for those of you who say: what about a cell phone?  No, my son does not have a cell phone.  And no I don't intend to get him one even after this ordeal.  Cell phone reception doesn't work on school grounds.  He was stuck.  Sitting in the cafeteria with the janitors.

O.M.G.

I can't tell you how I felt.  My stomach was in knots.  And after I finished explaining to him that he did not tell me the time nor would I EVER forget to pick him up, I sat down and cried.  The thought that my child was sitting at the school by himself with no way to get a hold of anyone completely freaked me out.  It took me over an hour to get my nerves to settle down and to stop shaking.

What made me laugh was the photos he took at the end of the days shots...he said he was bored and just started snapping photos of the clock/time and the darkness outside.  Nice.

Go ahead, take the award away.  Ugh.

Credit Cards

I am so tired of hearing all the bullshit about credit cards.

I personally do not have any credit cards.  I don't miss them. I don't use them.  I don't need them.  I like to think that I live by the mantra, "if I can't afford to pay cash for this or that then I shouldn't be buying it." 

(And don't feed me the line about the bonus points you earn...I have only a debit card and I earn bonus points for travel miles and anything else...)

On the news there has been non-stop coverage over the bank bailout and the banks raising interest rates to astronomical numbers.  It is crazy.  And yet, I can't help but think...

...STOP USING CREDIT CARDS!!

Can it really be all that simple? What has happened to everyone? We gotta have what we want RIGHT NOW despite what it costs or what it will cost us by the time we pay down those credit cards.  We gotta have the dinners out, the new clothes, the trips, and of course all that STUFF.  Oh sure, there are those of you who pay off your balance at the end of every month...but the majority of people out there don't/can't do this.

Along the same lines with the credit card troubles is the discussion about credit scores and how cutting up your cards ruins your credit score.  I think I twitch a little bit every time I hear this statement.  Okay, look, I'm all for a super sparkly clean credit score.  It will get you great rates on that brand new car you desire.  Or, a super duper rate on your mortgage.  Or, it makes you hold your head higher because, dammit, your credit score is above 700.  Let's hire the military for a 21-gun salute the next time you need to sign loan papers.

I worked in banking at the very beginning of credit scores.  In fact, I remember the total confusion and uncomfortableness when trying to EXPLAIN how the whole credit score thing works to countless customers staring at me with a cross between utter confusion and complete anger.  Years later I underwrote real estate loans and I would fight to the death over an applicant that had money in savings and NO credit cards (therefore his/her score was lower than their credit card whore counterpart) than the person who had a million...some with balances, some without...and in most cases I got each and every one of those loans approved.  Can I say they are all still noble homeowners? I don't know.  But, can I say that all the people with their perfect credit scores and wallets full of credit cards aren't losing their homes alongside the rest of the country in this economy?  Exactly.  I have always believed that a true test of someones worthiness lied in their ability to SAVE MONEY and not buy a bunch of shit they didn't need because obviously they couldn't afford it because if they did they would have just used cash instead of their credit cards.  Whew.

When I was an underwriter, I looked more at their stability in home and work.  The money they had saved...and less on their ability to accumulate credit cards and "learn" how to pay them off each month (which rarely happened...in fact, we rarely made "debt consolidation" loans because in 99% of the cases, the people went back and charged debt right back up again).  I realize I have been out of banking for over a decade and things change but I remain firm in my belief that credit cards are nothing but a pain in the ass.  So what if you have an excellent credit score but you are paying through the roof in interest rates. Hmmmmm.  Okay, and that is smart, how?  So what if you  have to wait a few months for that THING you must have instead of pulling out some plastic from your wallet so you can have it now. 

You want to stop paying all those high interest rates? You want to stop bitching about how the banks received all that money in bailout only to turn around and charge you triple in interest rates? THEN STOP USING CREDIT CARDS.  Pay cash. 

What a novel idea...and very, very retro.

Hot Apple Pie

Here is an excerpt from the book, "Money, a Memoir: Women, Emotions, and Cash" by Liz Perle.  I love this quote a lot.  It sorta says the things that I feel down deep under all the layers of stress, change, routine, and pressure.

"As long as I had believed that financial security purchased emotional security, I'd lived a dependent, conditional life.  Now I realize that rather than mortgage myself for a dream life on a layaway plan, I prefer the rather nice kind of life I've stumbled into.  My desire for a double oven has less to do with signaling that I belong to a certain class or have reached a type of perfection and more to do with the fact that I haven't figured out how to make a pot roast and an apple pie at the same time.  So I make the pie ahead of time and reheat it.  I think it was Mark Twain who said, "Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want." I tell my kids this, hoping they will learn to balance the act of pursuing with the act of savoring."

Real Life

I've had these questions in my notes for a long time and time is now to get them answered so I can throw the piece of paper away...

1.  What did you want to be when you were little?

Publicly I wanted to be either a teacher or a stewardess (wasn't that the only jobs besides nurse that women could do? Hey, I grew up in the 70s, what did I know?).  Personally, I wanted to be a writer because that is what made my heart sing but sadly, no one got that about me, including myself.

2.  What's the one thing you'll never understand?

How boys can't aim their junk INTO the toilet bowl instead of everywhere but.  I don't see the difficulty in mastering this simple skill. Are they just lazy, dumb, distracted by their junk, or incredibly challenged?

3.  What surprises you most about your adult life?

How staying up late and eating candy for dinner isn't what it was all cracked up to be.  And, I'm way more tired and exhausted than I thought possible.

4.  What's your idea of a perfect meal?

A mound of Thai food that I don't have to share with anyone...mmmm, Pad Thai....

5.  What's the craziest fashion trend or hairstyle you've worn?

I have one for each.  The craziest fashion trend would be a pair of yellow flats that I wore with everything and for some reason those damn shoes went with EVERYTHING! As for hairstyles, I guess the permed/teased mess of the 80s when bigger was better!!

6.  What amount of money would make you feel you were set for life?

I don't think any amount of money would make me feel set for life because once you get a little bit you want more.  We are a culture that is never satisfied, we are always wanting more (you won't ever find me "praying to win the lottery!").  My answer to this would be: I would want enough so I didn't have any bills...no mortgage...enough to support my children through college and enough to do the things that I would like to do: travel, hobbies, dinners out, etc.  And then enough to be able to help people each and every month with their utility bills they can't pay or medical bills that parents can't pay or college tuition that makes going to college impossible for some kids, etc.  I don't need the fancy car or the big house or anything else.  Just a life that is paid for and can be enjoyed simply with the ability to help other people...would be plenty.

Gasp, Quotes

I'm not normally a big fan of posting quotes.  Mainly because what "touches" me won't necessarily touch you and you end up reading quotes that may or may not mean diddly squat to you.  Whenever I read a quote on a blog or Facebook something inside me screams: NO! NOT A STUPID QUOTE! (No offense.)  So, instead of just randomly posting quotes that have moved me in one way or another, I'll share why.  At least if you have to endure READING the damn quote, you can see a little backstory to WHY I personally liked it and since you are in fact at my blog you must care a little bit about WHAT I LIKE, right?

I thought so.

So, away we go...

"There is a gigantic difference between earning a great deal of money and being rich." -Marlene Dietrich.

It's not all about the money people! You can be rich without a dime to your name. 

"If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live." -Lin Yutang

We are too rigid! We spend too many minutes spent in organized hell.  Let your hair down! Stop planning one play date and sport activity after another and let kids just play and have fun and even better if I can, for one useless afternoon, pretend I'm a kid and play and giggle right along side the kids!

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -unknown.

Amen.  This is one of those sayings that sound so damn good but it is SO HARD to not cry because it's over!!!!!  This is one of the reasons I love scrapbooking so much...not because of the pretty buttons or sparkly new embellishment but because with each page I do I can remember and enjoy the memory of what did happen before...it does bring a smile to my heart.  But, I still cry.

"What do I owe my father: everything." -Henry Van Dyke

My dad was someone who was there for me all the time.  In my corner.  Having my back.  Supporting me.  I knew he loved me without question or doubt. Sure, he wasn't perfect but for a little girl my dad was everything.  And I miss him every single day.

"Joy is not in things; it is in us." -Richard Wagner

Why is this so hard for people to get through their heads? Stuff does NOT bring happiness.  It only clutters our world with a temporary "fix" for pleasure.  And yet people think the more things they buy, the better they are, the richer they appear, or the pleasure they can finally prove to Mr. Jones next door.

"Then followed that beautiful season...Summer." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Where life seems simple and enjoyable.  People sit on the front porches and forget their problems while sipping lemonade as children play on tire swings...breathe in the summer warmth.

"Life brings simple pleasures to us every day.  It's up to us to make them wonderful memories." -Cathy Allen

Do you spot a trend here? We are constantly inundated with images of bigger, better, more, more, more will make you happy and blessed.  I feel like I am always swimming upstream because I don't believe in all that.  We recently sat down as a family to come up with traditions for every month and all them require very little "stuff" or money.  Just fun family time...TOGETHER.  And, I'm always about the simple pleasures (now, I don't ALWAYS recognize simple pleasures EVERY DAY...I wish I could say I did): the beauty of the trees (ask my kids, I'm always stopping on the side of the road so they can also admire...); the birds on our bird feeder and the joy whenever we spot the amazingly gorgeous cardinal; a gorgeous sky; the beauty of snow falling; a peaceful walk...

"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons." -Ruth Ann Schabacker

How true and if only it were that easy.  Each day DOES come bearing its own gifts...sometimes in the form of a hug by a cranky/hormonal teenager or dinner that everyone loves or the dog snuggling up on your lap or finding a happy letter instead of a bill in the mailbox or reading a book that has you gripped or smiling from ear to ear when your kid brings home a paper with 100% on it.

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." -David Viscott

Ah, the sun's warmth...all cozy and bright...sometimes I feel there isn't enough sunshine in my life and the rainy days overshadow the sunny days.

"Sometimes I would almost rather have people take away years of my life than take away a moment." -Pearl Bailey

While I'm not sure I want the years to move any faster than they already are, but I love this sentiment! There are SO MANY moments that I will ALWAYS treasure and cherish! When my kids were born; my wedding reception; our honeymoon (ah, the BEST EVER vacation!!); cheering at Friday night football games; going to work with my dad and waiting for him to come home every afternoon outside sitting on the front step; fourth of July's at Uncle Pete's; Christmas Eve's with my family and Christmas Day with just my parents (when I was a kid); spending the night at my Nana's house where she gave me 7-up and drumstick ice cream cones and then padded the floor with pillows in case I fell off the couch!  I could write much more, but I'll stop...you get the idea.

This officially ends my long list of quotes I've been collecting.

Q and A

Best kitchen gadget

I would have to say, in a very retro-1970s-kind of way, is the trash compactor.  I know, right? Who has these dinosaurs anymore?  Well, we do in this house and I have to say, I balked at it at first but now I love it.  We go through way less "trash" by the end of the week and we make way less trips out to empty the trash can.  And the novelty hasn't worn off...the kids still LOVE to push the button!

What makes you laugh

Inside jokes and banter.

What is your dream job?

Sitcom writer.

What surprises you most about your adult life?

It is not all fun and glamorous that I thought it would be when I was a teenager.  Given the choice, I would take the innocent and carefree days of my youth when love was everywhere and more tangible.

The big decision I'm currently wrestling with is...

Who I have to sleep with to get back to Idaho.

What is your motto?

I'm not sure this is a "motto" per se, but it is something I say to the kids on a daily basis (more my "mantra"): THINK MORE, TALK LESS.

What superhuman power would you most want to have?

I'd like to be invisible.  Imagine ALL that you would hear behind closed doors!!! I think a lot of questions would be answered!!!

High road or the low road?

I guess it depends on the traffic on each...

What's the one thing you'll never understand?

When and how IT all went wrong.

What's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to you?

When my neighbors wanted to know what I was doing right because my boys are SUCH GOOD KIDS and that they are SO POLITE and sweet boys.  Ahhh....

My life would be simpler if...

I didn't try to complicate things.  In my heart I love simplicity but the influences of life seems to creep up and complicate matters! It is something I work at regularly.

Ah Halloween, How I Used To Love Thee

I used to love Halloween.  In fact, it was once my favorite holiday.  Something about the colors, the season, the bright orange pumpkins, the dressing up, and let's not forget the CANDY.  I loved spooky things, scary cemetery's, and haunted houses.

I remember Halloween as a kid too...

Dressing up at school for the parade in elementary school.
Dressing up in high school was always a blast!
My mom making chili almost every year.
Tammy spending the night and her and I searching for our candy loot in the middle of the night.
My dad burning the BBQ ribs because someone had shown up to buy my brother's El Camino.

When Larry and I got married we made our own tombstones with Styrofoam and grey spray-paint.  We had a coffin with a scary dude inside.  We had cobwebs and scary music playing from our front window.

Every year I made chili, like my mom used to.  The first year we were in Oceanside I made chili but added WAY TOO MUCH hot stuff and it was TOO HOT TO EAT.  Oops.  My parents would come over for dinner and I set the table in oranges, blacks, and yellows with pumpkins and candy corn.

Year after year I made chili, by now my own recipe that I devised, my parents would show up in time for the CRAZINESS that is Halloween with young kids and a busy doorbell.  All that was missing in those days was a crazy dog that barked every time the doorbell rang.

We finally had it down to a science.  My parents would show up by mid-afternoon and we ate my chili and cornbread early...then they helped us get the kids ready in their costumes and off we would all go...

Whoever got tired first...usually it was my dad...would venture back to the house to be the official "hander-outer" of candy to the trick-or-treaters.  Sometimes he would take a tired toddler with him.  We would all venture back, go through the kids candy, enjoy a few "stolen" pieces for ourselves, and get the kids in their PJs and off to bed.  The four of us would then either play some cards, watch a movie, etc.

When we moved to Idaho things changed a bit.  We no longer celebrated Halloween with my parents which was a very hard transition.  I missed them.  But, we knew that life changes and we tried our best to roll with the punches.  I continued to make chili but it was just Larry and I now at night getting kids ready and inspecting candy and hanging out after the kids have gone to bed, sugared up and exhausted.

2009.  Here we are at Halloween in the middle of nowhere.  With absolutely no one.  And for the first time in as long as I can remember I was dreading Halloween.

We didn't carve pumpkins.
I made chili but way too much of it, for who knows what reason.

I was ready for the night to be over before it even began.

I wasn't in the mood.
I was tired of walking around among the millions of kids, parents, strollers, and Scream guys.
It was by far the most mellow night...weather-speaking...since we moved out of Oceanside (it was about 65 degrees!).
We went trick-or-treating with friends we met when we first moved here (they were new too) and after the kids (our three and they have FOUR) got their fill we all ventured back here...seven sugar-high kids and clearly not enough wine for me.

The dog, despite us giving her a pill to mellow her out, was excitable to say the least with our friends four kids running around and the doorbell going off every other second.

And, the fact that I was spending a holiday, the first (and easiest) of many more to come in the next couple of months, was depressing and made me sad and cranky and down.  Yes, we have each other...yes, we forge ahead with new rituals to call our own...yes, we must accept change...yes, we must redefine our new reality...yes, things may get easier with time...yes, change is exciting...yes, we are making good memories for our children to remember...and anything else that everyone seems to be saying to me since this whole Pennsylvania thing started.  I KNOW.  But, no matter what the words are, the emotions remain.  We are alone out here.  It IS hard to be by yourselves on a holiday...even a silly little one like Halloween.

The Cemetery

Earlier this week we took the kids to the cemetery up the street.  It is a large cemetery with hills and big, beautiful trees.  It is also separated by a small river between the very old section and the newer section.  The kids thought it would be a spooky/fun thing to do for Halloween.  So, as the sun was beginning to set one evening, we all ventured out to the old section of the local cemetery.

As we pulled up we noticed only one car around which belonged to the groundskeeper of the cemetery.  He nodded to us as we walked by in search of some really old tombstones.  The shadows from the trees were beginning to totally creep us out and Jennifer gripped my hand tighter!

We passed tombstone after tombstone dating back hundreds of years.  We were engrossed with one poor chap when a guy dressed in what appeared to be a Civil War Soldier's uniform approached us.

"Are you new here?" The man with the dark blue uniform said.
"Mom, he's creepy looking!" Jennifer whispered in my ear.
"Yes, we are."
"You from the south?" The man said.
"No, we are actually from Idaho."
The man with dirty hands and a face that was in desperate need of shaving (he was really into this Halloween costume thing, I thought) looked at us blankly.
"What are you dressed as?" Josh asked the man.
"Dressed as? Why I am a Union Soldier in the American Civil War!"
I nudged Josh to show him that other people are in fact interested in history enough to dress like a Civil War soldier for Halloween!
"What is your name?" Josh continued to be fascinated with this man.
"Richard Barnard" He said.
"Well, good to meet you Mr. Barnard" I said as I urged the kids and Larry to move away from the man and on with our tombstone search.

We walked away from Mr. Barnard and continued looking at the old tombstones when Harrison called out, "Mom! Dad! Come and look at this!"

He was standing in front of a tombstone which read, "Richard Barnard, died 1863."

"So, he was just messing with us." Josh said.
"Where did the man go mom?" Jennifer said to me as we all looked around.
"I don't know."
"He was just right there.  How far could he have gone?" Harrison said.

We looked down the road, across the small river.  We looked up the hill at the newer section.  We looked around the large water fountain in the center of the old section. 

The solider was gone.

Larry went up to the groundskeeper who was closing up the shed for the night and heading for his car, "excuse me? Did you see a man dressed up like a Civil War solider walking around?"
"Richard Barnard?" the groundskeeper said.
"YES! That was the name he said but we just spotted a tombstone with that name on it and it says  Richard Barnard died in 1863."
"He did die in 1863." The groundskeeper said quietly.

Calling It What It Is

The schools here in this town are one step short of Crazy Nazi.

Parents can't walk the halls.  Ever.
If the kids are absent, besides calling in the absence, you have to fill out and sign a note, in triplicate, and get it notarized.
They don't encourage you walking or driving your child to school, but instead support and stand behind the whole bus riding experience.
This is a school that not only has their system down to a well-oiled machine, but they take their Crazy directly to CrazyTown.

However on Halloween they allow the children to come dressed.

You mean they aren't worried that some little first grader is going to be packing heat?
Or you aren't afraid to offend the one kid in school who doesn't celebrate Halloween?
Or you aren't worried that by allowing the kids to dress up you are supporting Satan?

Of course, a note came home that outlined the restrictions and rules and requirements and then say things like, "To avoid chaos and confusion at the end of the day, parents are requested not to pick up their children but to please allow them to ride the bus home."

Huh? (See.)

In both Oceanside and Idaho we were never allowed to dress the kids up for Halloween. In fact, they didn't even call it Halloween...

It was Fall Harvest party.
Or, Pumpkin Galore Day.
Pumpkins-a-Plenty.
Make Believe Celebration.
Say No To Satan!
All Treats Day.
Autumn Glory.
Let's Celebrate Fall Before Winter Hits.
Last Day Of October Celebration.
Apple Picking Party.
Celebrating The Color Orange Day.
It's Fall! Let's Have A Fruit and Cheese Platter (no candy please) Party!
Polly Pumpkin Party!
Pumpkin Parties Are So First Grade.  We Are Roasting Pumpkin Seeds Day!
The Leaves Are Changing Celebration.
Autumn Harvest.
Chilly Fall Harvest.
Pumpkin Fall Harvest, with a side of Apples! Yeah! Let's Party!

Jennifer decided to not wear her Witch's costume...that she plans to wear tomorrow night...and instead dig through our two overstuffed totes of costumes that many at one point belonged to my parents.

She spotted an Indian dress costume that I don't really remember seeing but must have worn myself at some point since it fits her perfectly.  She tried it on and claimed she wanted to be Sacajawea! (I don't think I even knew who Sacajawea was in third grade!)

So, I braid her hair, put a couple of feathers in and off I take her to school.  We are waiting in line and every kid getting out of the car is not dressed in costume but are carrying bags.

Shiiiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

There is a knot in my stomach but I don't want to voice my concern because I don't want to draw the fact to Jennifer's attention.

What the hell is going on here?

Let me just say that I have stumbled over myself more times than I care to count or admit.  FUCK! You would think that I have never had my children in public schools before.  I have had to be "told" many times of the things I must not do.  To say it is frustrating is a huge understatement.  Especially when it directly affects my daughter.  It is one thing if I'm told that I can't walk my daughter INTO school and God Forbid up the stairs and down the damn halls...but, to send my daughter as Sacajawea, minus the baby, when everyone else is wearing sweats and t-shirts with their costumes in bags, is not a moment that goes down in Good-Mommy-History.

And, as luck would have it, the place we drop the kids off is right where the Principal stands every morning to greet the kids.  (Shiiiittttttttttttttt.) I think my face was fifty shades of red and my stomach felt like I had a ninety-pound boulder in it.  Nothing is worse than sending your child off and hoping you didn't just cause her to be teased or made to feel uncomfortable.  Ugh.

The Principal motioned how great she looked and how much he liked her hair and I just drove off in my Stupid-Not-From-Here nonchalant way as if I too could understand their vague rules and brought my daughter with her costume in a bag.   Because, apparently, people around here just KNOW all this shit.

This is what the first paragraph of the note says:

"On Friday, October 30, we will be observing Halloween with a party and parade.  Costumes should not be so elaborate as to overly restrict movement or require a great deal of time to get ready."

It goes on to talk about weapons and hair paint and so on.

I just figured they wanted kids to be dressed in a way that will allow them to sit at their desk, able to bend down to get water from the fountain, and can carefully walk down the stairs.  They didn't want everyone taking hours in the morning to get ready.

It wasn't until I got home and re-read it did I see the vague oversight.

"...or require a great deal of time to get ready."

Crap. Shit. Fuck.

How about this teachers:

DO NOT DRESS YOUR CHILD AT HOME.  BRING THEIR COSTUME IN A BAG AND THE KIDS WILL BE GIVEN TEN MINUTES BEFORE THE PARADE TO CHANGE INTO THEM.  NOTE: DO NOT SEND THEM DRESSED IN COSTUME! THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

Or is it just me? Am I just a stupid dumb-ass here?

I think I'll go and roast some pumpkin seeds and call it a Fuck Fall Party and hope that I won't miss her parade in a couple of hours which starts at promptly 11:09...

Gun Shy

Dealing with the aftereffects of a layoff, even though ours was over a year ago and it has been officially a year since Larry started working out here, has taken its toll...emotionally and oh-boy-financially.

You wouldn't think.

At least I never did.

Who gets laid off? I don't know.  That one over there and oh yeah, so and so. ("What a shame" and "That's too bad".)

It has never hit home before and unfortunately I am still feeling rather gun shy.

When I talk to Larry during the day and he says he has to go because he has a meeting...I fret.  I know I shouldn't, but I do.  I can't help it.  A part of me says, "oh no".

I drive around and don't feel any desire to buy (or build) another home (although the kids have mentioned that they want to build our Idaho home up here...hmmm...) whatsoever.  It saddens me that the laying down roots that come with home ownership is simply not in me right now.

The anxiety has been sparked recently when the local news channels are constantly announcing one layoff after another (and everyone I meet are SHOCKED that we moved HERE for work when so many are moving OUT because they have lost their jobs...).  And, even more scary: the layoffs are predominately in IT.  And here we thought that was a safe and secure line of work.  Silly us.

Larry keeps assuring me that his job is safe and his company is big and strong ("grrrr") but even they have froze all raises for 2009 (and the jury is still out for 2010 if the freeze will be lifted) which I guess is better than losing another job.

Now, don't get me wrong here.  I don't lie awake at night waiting for the other shoe to fall.  There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thankful that my husband has a job and most importantly, a job he loves.  But, now that it has happened once, I am no longer innocent in the ways of layoffs and its ill-effects.  Ah, life.